- Kids, no one likes them.
What did I say?
I said stay down there.
Yes, I'm babysitting you,
but I need you to stay down there and shut up.
I'm trying to film a video.
I've put a dish of milk out for you, just lap at that.
Kids, wow.
Aren't they a real punish on society?
But you know what, as they always say, we were once kids.
Yeah, but we're not anymore, are we?
No, we're adults.
We're just a different type of annoying.
I recently released a video called
"Weird Things My Kid Drew"
of unintentionally inappropriate drawings
that your kid had made.
And boy, did every child draw something,
they drew a penis.
Basically all kids drew a penis, and they didn't realize.
And a lot of people submitted more drawings, and I thought
"Let's go through them. Let's have a look."
"This is my four year old's picture of an elephant.
He was so proud".
(laughter)
Oh he's so proud.
Dad's holding it up to the camera to see.
"My son drew this picture of a rabbit,
they are supposed to be its legs."
(laughter)
Uh, more importantly, look at its weird, stubby arm.
That is a morbid bunny,
with a knife for an arm and tits for legs.
"My son writing what his dad says to him."
(laughter)
My daddy says no you (beep).
(laughter)
Oh my god, but what if the teacher's like
"I think you mean cant".
No, the kid's, this is a desperate cry for help.
Like, no, dad calls me a little (beep), cause I am one.
"I teach kindergarten.
We were learning the letter P.
Things that start with P."
Oh my god, oh my god!
It's a dick pig.
Technically that child should get an A,
because it's a pig with a massive penis.
"Happy Mother's Day, time to get some laser."
(laughter)
"My Mother's Day present last year."
That's cute, that's a good drawing.
"This is my Mum.
My Mum's name is Kerry.
My Mum has blondie brown hair.
My Mum has blue eyes."
(laughter)
"My Mum's favorite food is cock.
My Mum's favorite color is yellow.
My Mum likes Cheese"
It's so sweet and innocent and then,
God, Mum's getting on the D again, Jesus.
"I found this in my daughter's drawing book.
Shocked, I asked, 'what's this?'
She looked at me with a surprised face and said,
'It's a thumbs down.'
I began to laugh.
She didn't find it funny that I was laughing
at her beautiful picture."
(laughs) It's a thumbs down.
Daddy always has a thumbs down.
(laughter)
(more intense laughter)
"This is my daughter's self portrait,
which scared me, but I wasn't sure why
until my sister told me it looked like 'It'"
(laughter)
Aw, your daughter is beautiful.
Oh, here's another Mother's Day card.
"My mum likes cleaning up.
She is friendly like a dog."
(laughter)
"I hope you have a good Mother's Day."
(laughter)
She is friendly like a dog.
That's one way to call your mother a bitch.
"My son's at that age where girls repulse him."
I'm still at that age.
"This was a drawing he made,
telling the girls to go away in the playground,
using a finger gesture."
(laughter)
Look at the, oh that's funny.
I like how he's drawn his arms really muscley,
and the girls with no hair.
Oh God, that's really funny.
Well, he is going to grow up to be a lovely young man.
"I have a ton of great drawings from my son.
This is one of my favorites.
He's drawn wrestlers with six packs."
(laughter)
"My five year old daughter drew a picture of her dad."
(laughter)
Does daddy get angry?
Well at least he doesn't call you a (beep).
Oh, I love a self portrait.
"This is a self portrait
my daughter drew when she was three.
We call it Bat Hitler."
(laughter)
"This is my five year old's self portrait.
He's doing a wee and a poo"
(laughter)
The concentration face, is he constipated?
"My nine year old, Eva, drew this"
Oh.
"Just some demon" she said.
Okay, I feel like that might need to be
unpacked in some therapy.
"My six year old made me a ticket
as I was going to the doctor to get a pap smear"
Okay, this will be fun.
Vagina checks. (laughter)
Is vagina spelled wrong here?
Is it V-A-G-I-N-A, or V-E-G-I, vegina, vagina, vigina?
Doesn't concern me,
I don't ever need to write the word vagina.
"I should probably stop calling my husband a dick,
because this is my six year old's drawing of me and his dad"
(laughter)
Oh, hello, someone married a hot looking dude.
Wish that was my daddy.
That's a weird, their dad looks like a giant dick.
Well, feel free to put your child's
weird drawing in the comments.
I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of them.
They bring me so much joy.
Children unintentionally being highly inappropriate.
That is quite possibly one of the
funniest things of all time.
Anyways, thanks for--
No, guys, I'm not finished recording.
Shushy.
Have you finished your milk?
Go finish your milk.