- Wait, this baby looks nothing like me.
Mike, you son of a (beep).
(laughs)
- Explosive diarrhea, parental mix-ups,
and creative ways to get outta work.
Today we're breaking down and reacting
to all of the laughable medical scenes and absurd injuries
from the highly popular web comic, "Cyanide and Happiness."
Alright, let's dive right in.
- I'm sorry, but your wife died of a broken heart.
- What? She came in for a heart transplant!
- I dropped it. (character in blue sobs)
- Oh my gosh!
People do come in with broken heart syndrome.
One, you might actually be stressed
and upset and broken hearted,
but you actually can have abnormalities of the heart.
You'll actually have evidence
that it looks like somebody's having a heart attack.
But when they do a cardiac catheterization
looking at the blood vessels,
they're actually clean and open.
And it's due to basically that broken heart, that stress.
- Oh, congratulations! It's a baby boy!
- Wait, this baby looks nothing like me.
Mike, you son of (beep). (laughs)
- Oh my God.
I mean that happens not that often
in what I do for a living, obviously,
because we occasionally deliver babies
in the emergency department,
but a lot of times, the father is not around.
We don't necessarily see where that individual is.
So the baby may not look like the woman,
but it has to do with what genes are more dominant
that are expressed,
and obviously what two individuals made that child.
- Where are those damn car keys? Ugh, ugh.
(cupboard door slamming)
Come on, I'm gonna be late for work!
Huh? Oh! (gunshot exploding)
Ugh! (ambulance sirens blaring)
(door slamming open) I made it!
- That is horrible.
Any firearms should be locked in a safe in your home.
You could probably call an ambulance
for just about anything.
Shooting yourself in the leg, I wouldn't do that.
You'll increase the risk of arterial injury, venous injury,
shooting your bone, causing fractures,
and then you can also lead to long-term damage, infection.
You can even lose the leg.
- Mrs. Jones, after doing some tests,
I'm making the diagnosis that your son is on the spectrum.
- I see. What do you mean, exactly?
Where does he fall?
- Here, let, let me show you on the chart.
(Doctor ER gasps)
- So typically when somebody's describing the spectrum,
they're typically talking about autism spectrum disorders.
Has to do with social interactions, communication,
repetitive movements or actions.
But this chart has absolutely nothing to do with that.
- Well, I got the test results back
and it doesn't look good.
You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia.
- What's onomatopoeia?
- It's exactly what it sounds like.
(laughs)
- Chlamydia and gonorrhea actually
can occur commonly together.
They both are sexually transmitted infections.
Both are treated with antibiotics, different antibiotics.
If you have either of these,
you definitely need to avoid sexual relations
with other people because it's highly contagious.
(pill bottle shaking) (laughs)
- Now it's time to give me a taste of your medicine.
- Oh my gosh.
- It man.
- Oh, man.
Doctors should not be working on pain medication.
People should not be operating heavy machinery
or driving with pain medication
because they alter different perceptions
and could actually cause you to have poor judgment.
Cause others to get injured.
- Help! I'm bleeding out! You need to apply pressure.
- Quit bleeding or I'm gonna kick your (beep).
- That's too much pressure!
(laughs)
- Wrong type of pressure.
Somebody who's having squirting blood coming
from their chest, what do you do?
Obviously, call 911.
Get them to the hospital ASAP,
and then direct pressure to the area.
Fill that wound up potentially with gauze.
If you see a blood vessel that's actually bleeding,
you might be able to actually stick your finger on there
and just cause the hole and the bleeding to stop.
(dramatic music)
Oh, God.
- Oh, no! Somebody, come quick! It's the captain.
Is there a doctor on board?
- I am a doctor!
(laughs)
- Oh, my gosh.
I just love that there's like the doctor's uniform.
I've been on an airplane before where literally,
I've been called to help and assist,
and we try to help you assess.
Most people are just passed out
or they're sick and they're usually okay.
(dramatic music)
- Well?
- Yep, he's dead.
- You don't need to use your stethoscope
to listen to somebody's head.
It won't work.
You can use stethoscope to listen to somebody breathing,
listening to their heart sounds,
and even put on their neck to listen
for any airway narrowing.
To check to see if somebody is alive or dead,
you'd check their pulse, you check for breathing,
and then you actually check eye movement
and corneal reflexes.
- (beep) My wife, your son of a (beep).
(doctor character throwing punches)
(laughs)
- And, here's your bill.
- Wow, that was a plastic sewing needle. We don't use those.
The needles that we use are small and curved,
so you do instrument ties.
Every now and then, we have a straight needle like that.
Typically we'll use that for chest tubes
but we try to stay away from that type of needle
'cause you have a higher chance
of causing yourself a needle stick
because you're not using a tool.
- Well, we've got your X-rays back,
and we can see absolutely nothing!
You're good to go!
- Awesome! Have a good day. (character face plants)
(laughs)
- If, say somebody gets up, they try to walk,
and they continue to have significant amount of pain,
that doesn't make sense for what you're seeing.
You can actually end up doing a CT scan
to get a better depiction and you might actually pick
up a fracture that wouldn't necessarily show up on an X-ray.
- Hey doctor, my head hurts.
- How bad?
- This bad! (character in blue head butts doctor)
(laughs)
- That's so messed up!
Is it the worst headache in your life?
Is it a gentle headache? Was there trauma?
Are you infected? Do you have a fever?
Do you have neck pain?
A lot of different reasons why somebody
would have a headache.
- I'm sorry, but you suffer from immature ejaculation.
- What? Immature ejaculation.
I think that's like a play on premature ejaculation.
So premature ejaculation does happen.
It occurs prematurely, meaning very quickly,
versus somebody who is immature, fart noises in the arms,
or Whoopee cushions or whatever, and then that causes it.
Yeah, that doesn't happen.
- We need you to take a look at this body
and see if it's anyone you recognize.
- So, really interesting.
The structure of the musculature poster in the back
looks super cool.
You see the striations?
- (gasps) Oh, God, it's her!
- No! What are you doing? We don't need to see that!
- Stop! - This is unprofessional!
Who is your superior? I want to speak to them right -
(laughs)
Oh, that's definitely not our Stephanie.
- Oh, that's not our daughter's vagina.
(laughs)
- Wow. That was weird.
I haven't actually been to a morgue in the hospital.
Only seen the depictions of them
in all the different medias that we have.
You don't ever expose an individual or a patient
in an inappropriate way.
- Whoa, right, scrubs.
One final test and you get to be doctors.
Read this without laughing.
- Explosive diarrhea.
(other characters controlling laughter)
(laughs)
- Yes, you try not to laugh.
Hey, sometimes you laugh with patients.
It's okay, you're a human being.
It's just laughing at the appropriate time
and not being childish anymore.
You kind of grow out of that.
Super entertaining.
These are a lot of rapid fire clips which were good
and actually brings to light a lot of situations
that do happen.
If you guys enjoyed this,
definitely check out and binge watch this playlist
in series right here.
And as always, make sure you subscribe,
turn your bell notifications on,
and hit that "Like" button for me.
Thank you so much for watching, and stay healthy my friends.