and I've seen every movie William Shatner ever made even Kingdom of the Spiders...
although they did give me these edible chocolate spiders.
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
In cinema there are stars, there are legends, and there’s William Shatner.
‘Who? Me?’
'Come here....'
This week’s film is Kingdom of the Spiders, starring the Shat himself.
‘buckle up for safety honey’
as a local vet with a broad spectrum approach to dating.
‘I’m a half hour late seeing my girl. Now I know you’re having dinner tonight why don’t we have it together’
Captain Kirk would be proud.
‘To women’s lib’
But it’s best to keep your options open when the whole town are being killed by spiders!
‘This whole country’s swarming with the damn things’
Why are spiders suddenly killing people?
‘In order to survive spiders are having to readjust their eating habits and becoming more aggressive’
So the next completely logical step is...
Then people.
But the thing is, the spiders kill a lot of people,
a lot of people,
everyone really,
and any left are stupid enough to top themselves,
but during the entire film they eat nobody.
'You're not supposed to be here, your suppose to be in the ground.'
Spider just sitting there Eyes bigger than their stomachs;
understandable because, for a spider, you’d assume one person would make a pretty adequate meal.
‘Adequate? What are you talking about?’
The film shares DNA with films like the swarm,
And night of the Lepus,
But I think it's inspiration comes from something a bit more high quality.
#Jaws music#
But while Jaws is famed for its cathartic conclusion,
Kingdom of the spiders’ is more downbeat, less satisfying and…
Well that’s a painting. Very obviously a painting. It’s not getting any more realistic the longer you leave it up.
Also worth noting, how did this happen?
Leaving aside that is a pretty spectacular web for one night's work,
'There are thousands out there, we're never make it.'
Why don't you just poison the spiders.'
‘I don’t think DDT’s going to kill them'
You see, you say that now,
‘chemical fire extinguishers kill them off’
You couldn't have remembered that earlier?
But ultimately you’re not watching this film for logic,
you’re watching for the subtly underplayed performance of William Shatner.
Well, that’s the end of him, everyone bitten dies
'How you doing?'
‘terrific’
I guess you can’t kill William Shatner.
Beam me up.
'Sweet Jesus.'
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