Jaakko I want to hear your thoughts on / detachment I'm a police officer
and I'm sure military personnel experience the same / detachment defined
as emotional separation from moments which require emotional response in
family and profession so what do you thoughts on / detachment no this is
definitely obviously I'm always encouraging people to be able to detach
right because that's how you get your emotions out of a situation but this
happens to what my brother right here is talking about this police officer saying
hey sometimes you know we think about being over detached and it's something
you need to watch out for because you don't want to go through your life where
you have no more emotions because then you're not living a life then you're a
robot or a machine and and you don't you need to have emotions so what as I
thought about this I thought how did I watch out for that and it's something
that creeps in on anybody that does anything we connect you didn't have to
be a cop or a or a military person I mean you could do if your any job that
you have where you have we can't just get all emotional about stuff if you're
in finance if you're anything you could just become detached so how do you do
what do you look out for well one thing that I did and still do is
compartmentalize and draw a little segregation between work and home mm-hmm
and there's a really easy way to do that especially for people that are cops or
it doesn't matter what you do mm-hmm whatever that uniform is that you wear
at work whether you're a cop whether you're military or whether you were in a
business suit at work when you get home take off that uniform take it off
matter of fact if you can't take it off before you get home you know leave it at
the office yeah because you want to leave that there and when you get home
put on the home clothes right the t-shirt the comfortable t-shirt the
flip-flops the the the shorts be be relaxed at home but be physically in a
different unit at home not even a uniform and a
different change your change your appearance and therefore change your
state of mind a little bit different music right whatever it is that you're
listening to at work mm-hmm go to something different at home yeah
you know when you're going into work listen to the first hour of jaakko
podcast when you're coming home you listen to the second hour right that's
how we do it you know you wanna have a different attitude
different language right don't come home throwing around the in acronyms from
work yeah and you know I've talked about this before I never swore at home I
swore like hell at work but I never swore him so I was using a different
language home I was completely compartmentalizing what I was doing at
work and what I was doing at home and then check out your posture what are you
standing around your house like or you stand and don't cross armed and glaring
at people mm-hmm let's just ask the question are you in a modified Weaver
stance when you're talking to your wife get ready to do a quick drop lives like
that it's like a pistol shooting stance but that's no no you know are you are
you digging for underhooks if your kids driving are you looking to get the
takedown no you want to relax right and another thing is find some you know
what's maybe maybe group of people that aren't involved in your work that could
be hard I mean and and luckily for me my wife made friends that were outside of
the shield community mm-hmm and so I got a bunch of buddies that were had nothing
to do with the SEAL Teams they had their friends of their friends my wife yeah
friends and husbands of my wife's friends so I had a whole group of people
that I still hang out with all the time they have nothing to do with the
military at all in fact many of them are about as far as you could get from
military personnel as one could imagine and but that's another thing that helped
me segregate the two now of course I'm not saying you got to let your guard
down a hundred percent because you shouldn't do that but you should let it
down enough that you can enjoy life and
you got it attached sometimes now that being said because it's kind of hate it
is gonna help you make good decisions but there are also times where it's not
good and if you're detaching your wife's trying to talk to you it's not gonna be
good you know so open up you got to show some emotions and one of the things
about being detached here's appears of paradox you got to be
detached enough so that you recognize when you're not showing enough emotion
you know if you're so detached that you being detached should allow you to
realize that oh my god I'm not showing any emotions at all I'm too detached
yeah so don't try and be a tough guy that's just being detached because if
you detach enough you'll realize that you're being too detached yeah yeah and
there is too deep well obviously like if you're you know you're in a debate
argument fight whatever with your girlfriend wife mmm right and you're
detached let's say you know you're right let's say you aren't right mm-hmm
that has nothing to do with anything when you're arguing generally speaking
though in my experience yeah well I would agree with that in my experience
but here's the thing though because we're you don't have a certain way I
just want to make the same in again when you're an argument with like your wife
or your close friend or your boss your subordinate whether you're right or not
is almost doesn't matter at all yeah what matters is what you're trying to do
with direction you're trying to move mm-hmm and is winning the argument being
right or wrong gonna help you move in the direction when I move and that's the
real question yeah so detach for a minute and figure out the answer that
question yes because I never care if I'm right or wrong
that's not never my goal well in an argument with something I said never
okay I usually don't care the most but for
the most part yeah yeah and I think a lot of times a lot of times people do
care whether right or wrong oh my god they do they care don't go psycho all
right being right or wrong yeah improved beyond you know like a reasonable doubt
all questions denied I'm a hundred percent right you're
yeah and so even when people are wrong they'll still want to just win the
argument right so that's that's that's bad what can be even worse is when you
are right yet the other person is let's say your wife is emotional cuz man this
is a known thing that the girls generally speaking they they want to
know that you care more so than they want you to fix their problem
like if someone has if your wife is having a problem at work or something
right they just want you to care that that's going on with them they don't
want like all this tricky advice you know that generally speaking
I'm not gonna categories there it's not black and white but generally speaking
so let's say you're in a debate or something you know I say you're an
argument you're in a fight and you know you're right and let's say you are right
if you're all detached and being like well here's the logic behind why I'm
right and you have this airtight case that's not gonna help your relationship
she wants to know first off that you care she's mad she said she's whatever
do you care about that that's the way you win not the argument that's why you
win the situation yes you know and so not only are you not only do you get out
of the fight intact as a relationship but you're the good guy and really
that's part of the reason why she likes you because you're the good guy right
that's a window injury so yeah that that's just some time question why my
wife likes me all good yeah yeah no that's that's that's it but yeah so
detach so you see that but be attached because you care yes yes and show that
you care and then when you go back to work your comp you're a military person
you're a business person put your uniform back on put your boots back on
put your body on the back on lock and load
and get back in the detachment zone you know and move forward now at the
question kind of implies this too and I will point this out I mean yeah at work
you also can't just be detached all the time because you're you're a leader
you're a leadership position so you can't just walk around just detach from
anybody no you got to show emotion you got to relate to the people you're
working with you've got to be a human so that they follow you or you follow them
order the case be so the detachment you have to be
detached enough to recognize when you're being too detached yeah yeah