Moderator (Abhijeet): Okay, Sadhguru ji, this is very common in my college and it is true
about me and also my friends.
So I am in love with a girl and...
Sadhguru: Ah (Laughter)!
Moderator (Abhijeet): And what happens is that I don’t have the courage to talk to
her and this is like a self-doubt that I have.
I think that I don’t deserve her.
So what to do on this regards (Laughter)?
Sadhguru: You are in love with a girl or you’ve fallen in love with a girl?
Moderator (Abhijeet): Actually I’ve fall in love (Laughter).
Sadhguru: Oh.
This happened, before he became a drunk, he was at the Shillong University (Laughter),
Shankaran Pillai (Laughter/Applause).
And he was doing his PhD.
So one day he went to his mentor professor and said, “Sir, I need your help on something
very important.”
So the professor said, “Yes, that’s why I am here, please tell me.”
Then he named the college beauty and he said, “Sir, I am completely in love with her,
I need your help on this.”
“What do you mean, you need my help?
I am not here to help you on those kind of matters, I am here for academic purposes.”
He said, “No sir, I am really fifty percent successful.
You just need to help me with the other fifty percent (Laughter).”
He asked, “What is fifty percent success anyway?”
He said, “I am completely in love with her and she doesn’t know (Laughter), the other
fifty percent you must help me (Laughs).”
So, just enjoy the love affair because (Laughter)… because now it’s totally in your control.
If you also bring her into the picture, now she will take charge of it (Laughter/Applause).
And (Laughs), I am not saying you should not fall in love with somebody, but don’t be
in a rush to live.
At this stage in your life, see how to build yourself up into a worthwhile life, then things
will come to you in a certain way.
If you rush into life too early, then the… ca… the… you know other aspects of growth
will get… it’ll get stunted.
Because you got emotionally entangled, now you…
immediately the girl says, “I am going to come with you tomorrow morning.”
Then immediately you have to find some job, you have not completed your engineering, you
will find one auto-rickshaw to drive (Laughter).
Arey, all these things will happen.
Love does all these things to you.
So just… you are having a great love affair, just enjoy it, don’t tell her (Laughter/Applause).
Moderator (Ria): Sadhguru, I think he also kind of wanted to know about self-doubt that
he has, although the context was that, that he’s primarily asking about self-doubt.
Sadhguru: See about… this is not self-doubt, the doubt is about her (Laughter).
How she will respond - that is the doubt.
Somewhere when it comes to yourself, the question of whether I am good enough for something,
not good… good enough for something - you should not worry about that.
You must just see every day how you can be a better human being than the way you are
right now.
And then the world, the way it responds, tells you whether you are good enough or not.
It’s not for you to think whether…
See this is why there’s an examination at the end of the year.
Why?
Because you may think you are a great engineer, but the examination results tell you poo (Laughter).
So this also is like that, you may think I am a hero but well the girl, she has her opinions
(Few laugh).
So instead of that, see how to make yourself better in how many ways, not just the way
you look.
Because your looks will be ignored after sometime.
You have to make yourself better.
How to make yourself better?
At least you are trying to make yourself into a good engineer, that’s a good idea.
Another thing is well, just see…
Better means what?
What is it one thing that always draws people?
What is it that one thing that makes a person look wonderful is, it is not the shape of
your nose or the point of your chin or your hairstyle or something - a joyful face is
always a beautiful face, isn't it so (Applause)?
Your nose can be like this (Gestures), it doesn’t matter.
Joyful face is always a beautiful face.
Do that one thing, maybe she will fall in love with you (Laughter).
Just…
Just rise and shine.
If you rise and shine, everybody will look in that direction, isn't it?
Learn to sing, hmm.
Sing a song (Laughter).
We can train you if you want (Laughter).
Just one song that may make her fall in love (Gestures) (Laughter/Applause).
Moderator (Ria): We should soon join the school of Isha for singing courses (Sadhguru laughs).
We feel parents today are becoming liberal with their children in many aspects, however
when it comes to inter-caste and inter-religion marriage, people are still orthodox, and we
draw… people draw a rigid line that children cannot cross.
Is it mainly because of the fear of society?
As the saying goes “सब से बड़ा रोग, क्या कहेंगा
लोग|”
So, as a youth what can we do to convince our parents and bring them out of this social
fear?
Sadhguru: See, the fear may not be about just what somebody says.
We must understand the caste system for what it is.
Well (Laughs), before I say that I want you to understand this, I never ever asked anybody
“what is your caste” because it doesn’t even occur to me in my mind.
So, I am against inter-caste marriages because… somebody will take this one sentence and make
me into trouble, but I keep doing this always because it’s by intent (Laughs).
I am against inter-caste marriages because first of all, why the hell do you identify
with a caste and then try to do inter, hmm (Applause/Cheers)?
If…
When I was young if I wanted to marry somebody, I won’t even bother what the caste is, I
never asked.
Actually this happened to me, my wife I never asked what’s her caste?
I just came home one day and told my father “I am marrying this girl.”
He asked “Who is she?”
I said her name.
I only knew her pet name, I didn’t know her full name (Laughter), because that’s
what I called her.
Then he asked “Who is her father?”
I said “I don’t know.”
He said “What?
You don’t know the father’s name, you’ll marry her?”
I said “I wish to marry only the girl (Applause), I don’t wish to marry her father, nor his
property, nor his khandan or anything.
I’m just marrying the girl.”
“So, what caste are they?”
I said “I don’t know.”
“What?
You don’t know their caste?”
I said “I don’t know.
Because except what people have told me even I don’t feel my caste anywhere, I have un-casted
myself completely, I am not cast in anything.
So, I didn’t check her caste either.”
Then somebody came, you know, once this happens in the family all the uncles and aunts and
others, you know, they are all warriors (Laughter), they all get into the act.
They came and said “We don’t even drink water in their house, their caste is like
that!”
I said “Did they invite you (Laughter/Applause/Cheers)?
They have not invited you to come home.
Only after they invite you whether you want to drink coffee or (Laughs) whatever, we’ll
see.
Right now, they have not invited you, nor am I planning to take you to their house,
nor am I planning to go to their house.
I am just marrying the girl.”
They couldn’t believe it.
I said…
“Why…
How…
How can we do this?
Our families can’t sit together, their caste!”
I said “I never said you…
I’m inviting you to my wedding either.”
So, I just declared to my wife.
I said “You are my wife, that’s it.”
She said “This is all?
No witness, no… no arrangement, no gran… garland?”
I said “See, no bloody witness can ever hold me to anything.
When I say something, that’s it.
I will not go back on it!
I said I’m married to you, this is it!”
So, I just came and announced to everybody “I’m married.”
They said “When, where, how (Laughter)?”
“That’s not your business, this is my wife.
And that’s it!”
So I am saying, first of all why do you caste yourself and then why you inter-caste yourself?
Not necessary.
But there is a social situation that is in this country, why this caste system stuck
on like this is, this was the only means of transmitting skills.
Suppose your father is the goldsmith, now he will marry you only to a goldsmith… another
goldsmith.
Because right from your childhood, you have helped the goldsmith, carrying this and that,
you know how to handle it.
Suppose he puts you…
suddenly marries you to a blacksmith, you will feel lost in that house.
And you know nothing about it.
Because knowledge was transmitted only through the family tree.
Today, we don’t know what his father is, but now he has become an engineer.
We don’t know what your parents are, now you are becoming a bio thing because we have
institutions which transmit knowledge.
When there were no such institutions, family was the only institution transmitting knowledge,
so we didn’t want to corrupt that.
So we maintained that.
Now that is irrelevant.
One part of the caste system has become irrelevant.
Another reason why people are ticking… sticking to the caste is, because there is no social
security in the country.
If tomorrow something goes wrong with your life… okay, you married some strange boy
and if something went wrong with your life, you fell ill or he fell ill, or accident happened,
something happened.
Now the only people you can fall upon, is your clan.
You go and knock on somebody else’s door, they won’t open their door.
You have to go to your caste.
If you say “I belong to this caste” they will say “come, we will do something for
you.”
So, this is the social security you still have.
So, in the… in urban areas it may not matter because you have insurance, and this and that.
But in rural areas if you just break away from your caste completely, you are completely
on your own.
If something goes wrong, there is nobody going to stand up for you.
So, this is the social security system.
Don’t try to worry about this destroying caste system by inter-ma… inter-caste, all
this.
If you create a proper universal social security system, caste will die a natural death.
Nobody has to kill it, it will just go (Applause).