- Hi, I'm Fiona Nova
and I'm gonna be interviewing some of my exes.
I'm a little nervous, as you can tell.
- [Producer] All right let's go ahead and get into it.
- Oh
- Hut, hut, hut.
Don't worry, it's not real.
- [Fiona] Yeah.
- They wouldn't let me bring my real blaster on set.
- Hmm.
- Hut. Pew, pew.
(unclear mumbling)
(audience laughing)
- Last time you did bring a real blaster
and you shot my family.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I- I'm on guard at all times.
- Of course, and I totally understood that.
How, how have you been, how's life?
- Yeah ya know, it's me.
It's Samus comma Zero-Suit.
- Yeah.
- Happy to be on another set, working with another crew.
It's fun working on projects in between, you know,
filming cut scenes for Smash Bros, or
- Right,
you were always so busy.
- I...
- We never got, you know,
we never got the time to really-
- Exactly I'm so busy.
- Yeah.
- I'm so successful and busy.
Yeah, I'd say that's maybe one of the reasons I left you.
- [Fiona] Right, oh, really?
Yeah, oh.
That's weird that you thought, you think you left me
but I remember breaking up with you.
- That's crazy 'cause I remember driving away
and breaking up with you.
- That was crazy 'cause I remember you again,
shooting my family and then breaking up with you.
- That's crazy, I don't recall that.
- [Producer] Let's bring out the second guest
(everyone laughing)
- I knew we'd wear the same thing, that's crazy.
- Are you kidding me?
- Oh my god.
- Um, we wore the same exact outfit.
- Fiona, Liona.
- Yes, Liona, yes, oh gosh, I missed you.
It was just such a problem 'cause I felt like
you were do everything that I was doing.
It was really tough.
- Right, I always felt that way too.
I felt the exact same.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
- That's crazy.
- I mean, even like the same hair and-
- Right.
- It felt like people thought we were like related.
- Yes, like we're like one of those gays
that like looks the same.
- Exactly, doppel-banging.
- Yes, doppel-banging that's what it's called.
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.
- We just really have a lot of things in common.
- Exactly.
- [Fiona] Yeah.
- I was just about to say the same thing.
- [Fiona] Yeah.
- Wow, what an interesting problem to have.
- Well-
- To have a problem with looking alike.
- Are you like jealous or something?
- It sounds like you're jealous or something.
- No, I'm not jealous.
(audience laughs)
I just, your relationship is clearly very different
from our relationship.
(in unison) Mm, yeah.
- Well it definitely was.
- Yeah.
- We had a lot of things in common.
- Common, yeah.
- Have you ever dated someone that looks like you?
- Uh yeah, you when you were wearing cosplay of me.
- Right, got it, yeah, okay.
- [Producer] Let's go to the third guest
(audience laughs)
- Hey
(audience laughs)
- It's great, it's really great.
You look great.
- Thank you. I thought I was the uh, last
white girl that you dated, but
- [Fiona] No, I-
(audience laughs)
- What have you been up to?
- Uh, therapy, my family.
Uh her fault.
- Hey, how you doing?
We used to date too.
- Oh.
(audience laughs)
- I thought I-
- I, wow, we really are the same.
- No.
- [Fiona] No
Yeah.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
- You look great, what have you been up to?
- Um, I'm still sort of recovering from how
unsupportive I felt like you were of my dreadlock era.
(audience laughing)
and I just, and I think I need therapy because
you made me think that maybe I only got what I wanted
in our relationship because I cried, whenever
- [Fiona] Yeah.
- you did anything I didn't want.
- [Fiona] Yeah, yeah.
- But I don't feel like that's fair.
I feel like I was valid in crying
whenever I felt like a victim, which was always.
- That was something that I felt like you had to deal with.
I just couldn't show my black mother,
my white girlfriend with dreadlocks.
- I just-
- [Fiona] But that was, that was-
- It just feels a little bit racist.
- Right, um, right, right.
Uh, Samus.
- Sup.
- I just have a couple questions for all of you.
- Lay 'em on me.
- Um, what initially attracted you to me?
- In between missions,
I had just finished obliterating some space pirates
and it was exhausting.
So I decided I'd go check out one of
those cosplay conventions.
- [Fiona] Yeah.
- Do a signing.
- Yeah.
- And you walked up dressed like me.
- Yeah.
- Amazon morph suit.
- [Fiona] Yeah, yeah.
- And Party City wig.
That was a sexual awakening that I wasn't expecting
and a power up I didn't know I needed.
- Oh, I forgot.
You're really good at those puns.
That, um, like video game puns.
- I don't understand.
Power ups are a part of my life.
- Right.
(audience laughing)
- What initially attracted you to me?
- It's not because we were the same.
- Right.
- Right?
It's because it was our differences that I really liked.
Like your favorite food was Italian food.
- Yeah.
- My favorite food is like pizza and pasta.
- Yes.
- It's not the same, it's not the same guys.
- It's not the same.
In your spare time,
you love learning about history.
In my spare time, I like learning about the past.
- Right.
- You know, past mistakes.
Your favorite color is-
- Is, is, blue.
- Blue and I like more of something cooler.
Something like, I'm thinking water.
- Like an aqua.
- (in unison) Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue yeah.
- [Liona] Oh my gosh.
- It's my favorite color as well.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- What else is your favorite color?
- Blue.
- Are you guys flirting?
- No, no, I, I can't.
- So Alanah, what initially attracted you to me?
- Well, we met at a Starbucks
um, and like that's like, so meet cute, you know?
- Right.
- And then we went hiking
and I just felt like that was also really meet cute.
And sometimes we'd like take pottery classes
or we'd shop at Lululemon.
- I didn't really care for-
- Well, irrelevant.
I taught you how to braid your hair, of course I did.
But it was mostly just, yeah.
You'd kind of do whatever I wanted or I would cry, so.
- Yeah.
- [Alanah] That was attractive.
- You liked that I was kind of just like-
- Malleable
- [Fiona] Right?
- Naive.
- Yeah, Samus, why did we break up?
- Well you just, you stopped wearing me, I...
- What?
(audience laughter)
- I'm not sure why you decided to put cosplay behind you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And naturally I was no longer attracted to you.
I remember the day you were walking
up to my electric blue 2027 Bentley.
That's right, 2027, let it sink in.
And you were wearing Dickies and a sleeveless tee.
- I think that was like another reason why
it never worked out.
Cause you just were never supportive of my endeavors.
- Well what are you cosplaying as now?
A a Buffalo Exchange Mannequin?
- [Fiona] Uh
(audience laughter)
- I mean, look at these, ding ding.
- [Fiona] Yeah, it looks good.
- You kidding?
- You look, they look...
- It's contouring in all the right places
and guns come out of it.
- I really like what you're wearing.
- [Fiona] Thank you.
Why did we break up?
- You know, I, we were just going
different directions, right?
- Yeah, that's true.
I was, It was a little, it was tough.
- It was tough.
- It was a tough breakup.
- It was.
- Alanah, why did we break up?
- You seem to just like really not like it when I
introduced you to people as my ethnic girlfriend and...
- Yeah, I, yeah...
That I did have a problem with that.
Cause I felt like you could just say girlfriend.
- Uptight, I don't know.
- Right.
- Well there was one time where I was like
this is my girlfriend, she's black.
- I mean, I, I just didn't think that was
like a needed information.
Unless it was providing you with some sort of comfort.
- Well, I was hashtagging all of our pictures
with interracial girlfriend.
- Right, And BLM.
- And BLM obviously.
(Audience laughter)
- It was, it was tough when I had to break up with you.
- Hmm mutual but
- Our lifestyles weren't really like meshing that well.
- I thought we were meshing great, again,
you kind of did whatever I wanted or I would cry.
And I don't understand how that's not
a healthy relationship.
- Yeah, well it isn't.
- Okay.
- And I learned that through therapy.
How are you, are you in therapy?
- Why would I?
- [Fiona] That's true.
- Who is this therapy?
What planet are they on?
Should I call them?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Samus did you keep any secrets from me
while we were together?
Back when I was shooting the latest smash
there was one night during our relationship
where I did get down with the Wii Fit girl so..
- The Wii Fit girl?
- Yeah.
- But you knew I was worried about her like a while back.
- I think everybody's worried about her.
She has no face.
- That's true.
I'm worried about you.
- Nobody's gotta worry about me I have 30 blasters.
- Liona, did you keep any secrets from...
- You know, I tried to confess my secrets
when we were dating and every time I did there was
some kind of miscommunication.
Like the time I slept with Erica.
- Right.
- [Liona] I came to you and I was like,
Hey, I'm so sorry, but
- But I slept with Erica too.
- That's what I said.
Oh my God.
Now that makes sense
- Oh my Gosh.
- Because I was like, I slept with Erica and you're like,
Yes I'm so sorry.
- And I was like?
- Yeah, no.
That's what it was.
- Oh my god.
Great hookup.
- Erica's fantastic.
- Oh she's so nice.
- We should?
- We should hit her up.
- Did you keep any secrets from me?
- There was a while there where I did again use pictures
of the two of us to try to find a man.
- Oh, like a third.
- Yeah.
- One of those.
- But again, I think you would've been okay with it
because I would've cried if you weren't.
So it would've been okay if it had have had've happened.
But they kept saying that like something
about me was off putting
- Right, yeah.
- Whatever that was
- I wish you would've told me cause then it's
- We could have like worked around that.
- Yeah, you should have done like me
where I started a Tinder profile with a picture
of both of us as Samus and said, looking for a third Samus.
- I would've done that.
Do you wanna revisit that as?
- We don't have to revisit that.
- I mean, you look a lot like a Samus
so I'm not gonna lie right now.
Look at that.
Electric blue... ponytail.
- What are you doing later?
- Maybe another mission but maybe that mission is your heart
- Could we?
Okay, okay.
Well Samus, if you had the last word, what would you say?
- As I said, if you ever feel
like putting back on that Amazon ass morph suit
and that party city wig, you can call me.
But as I always say during my VO sessions.
Hut, hut
(Samus yelling)
- I miss that.
(Audience laughter)
Liona, if you had the last word, what would you say?
- I think you know what I'm gonna say.
- Yeah.
- So let's say it together.
- Okay.
(in unison) See you later alligator.
- And we've always said that
and we've always said.
Erica, Erica, Erica, yeah.
- Let's go.
(Audience laughter)
If you had the last word what would you say?
- I think it wasn't right because I'm too white.
(Audience laughter)
- What the hell just happened?
(Audience laughter)
I don't know what the hell just happened.
Thank you so much.
You know, I really like the pumpkin spice latte.
(Samus yells)
- Yeah yeah
Oh, you, I miss that.
I really miss that.
Oh god.
What is in here?
- Nothing, it's actually completely empty.
- Okay, got it.
- No, that's, that's actually a prop.
- So I was gonna pretend but you that's fine.
- That's okay.
Everyone's okay.
Bye.