The United States continues to be overwhelmed
by the coronavirus.
But how are other countries handling this global pandemic?
Well, let's find out in our ongoing segment,
Keeping Up with Corona: International Edition.
♪ ♪
Let's start our world tour in Russia--
The Artist Formerly Known as the Soviet Union.
Everyone around the world is trying to find
a COVID-19 vaccine,
but Russia may have found a competitive edge.
ANNOUNCER: This is CNN Breaking News.
And we start with breaking news coming in to CNN.
The U.S., Canada and the United Kingdom
have accused Russia of carrying out cyberattacks
on several coronavirus research centers.
The three governments believe the aim
was to steal information about vaccine development.
That's right, people.
Russia is trying to hack its way to a vaccine.
And honestly,
I want Russia to steal the vaccine.
Yeah, I said it.
'Cause I'll be honest,
based on how good they are at poisoning people,
they're gonna be really good
at making sure everyone is vaccinated.
You won't even have to go to a doctor.
You just have to bump into a guy on a bridge with an umbrella,
and it'll be over before you know it.
Also, is it that bad if they steal the information
if it leads to them getting a vaccine?
I mean, at this point,
I'll take the vaccine from anywhere.
The same way a thirsty man in the desert will drink Dasani.
We don't have choices.
I'm just surprised
Russia tried to hack America for the solution.
I mean, the U.S. is handling corona worse
than any other country.
This is like cheating off the kid
who spends the whole class drawing dicks on their desk.
"So, answer number three is flaccid penis?"
Moving on to Japan,
the country that always knew shaking hands was a bad idea.
The Asian superpower
has been doing a good job fighting the virus,
and they're starting to reopen the country.
But they're being very, very careful about it.
At Fuji-Q Highland amusement park outside Tokyo,
these are two of the park's executives
stoically riding Fuji-Q's biggest coaster, Fujiyama,
while displaying proper etiquette
for their "no screaming" rule, implemented, apparently,
to prevent the spread of coronavirus.
Fuji-Q said it received complaints
the rule was too strict,
so the fun park released this video
to prove it can be done.
The two men, as you see--
one wearing a full suit and tie--
do not change their expressions
for the entirety of the four-minute thrill ride.
The video then concludes
with this philosophical piece of advice.
(reading):
That's right.
Scream inside your heart.
That's the same advice Dr. Fauci tells himself
before every press conference.
It's a really hard thing to not scream at an amusement park.
And it's gonna be extra hard at Disney World,
'cause people there scream
every time they see how much a hot dog costs.
"What? I paid what?!"
And I guess one person
who will never be able to ride roller coasters in Japan
is my best friend, Xolisa, 'cause this is a clip
from us riding a roller coaster before coronavirus.
(screaming)
Oh, shit!
Oh! Shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh! (bleep)
(screaming)
(laughs)
Oh, I miss human beings.
Next up, let's go to Barbados,
a beautiful Caribbean country
and the world's number one exporter of Rihanna.
Due to COVID-19 shutting down the tourism industry,
Barbados is now trying to turn the global lockdowns
to its advantage.
NEWSMAN: Ever dreamed of living on an island paradise?
That could be a reality for you.
Remote working is the new normal,
and Barbados wants to turn its beaches
adjacent to the crystal blue water
into your new outdoor office.
The Caribbean country is going to introduce
a 12-month Barbados Welcome Stamp program,
which would allow visitors from overseas
to stay for an entire year and work remotely.
Barbados officials are hoping
it could help jump-start the island's economy.
Okay, Barbados.
This sounds like a pretty awesome deal.
And there's no catch.
I mean, it's not like Barbados is an island or something
and you have to get in an Uber to go to the airport
to get on an airplane
and maybe catch coronavirus ten times
before you even set foot on the beach!
I mean, I'm not gonna lie. This is tempting,
but getting to Barbados could be risky.
You know, I'm just gonna have to move to Barbados
inside my heart.
Now, on the other hand, maybe this is the perfect idea.
Because if corona does get worse and you're in the Caribbean,
hearing that music on the steel drums
is gonna make things sound better,
because it is impossible to be sad
when a steel drum is playing.
Even Dr. Fauci's warnings would sound happier
with a steel drum in the background.
-(steel drum playing) -Well, it's a very difficult situation,
as-as was predicted.
This is gonna get worse before it gets better,
for sure.
That's right, guys, we're all gonna die.
And finally, the coronavirus pandemic
has been especially difficult
for the world's authoritarian dictators.
They have to fight a very real disease
while also pretending
that nothing in their country is ever wrong.
But the Central Asian dictatorship of Turkmenistan
has found a solution.
As serious as the global situation is,
one country claims to have COVID-19
completely under control.
Former Soviet republic Turkmenistan
sits right beside Iran,
which has reported more than 260,000 infections.
But Turkmenistan says it has zero cases.
Pretty unbelievable.
Yet a week after a visit from the World Health Organization,
the authoritarian government
has now strongly recommended its people wear masks.
But the reason given? To protect them from dust.
Hmm. I feel like we don't really have the full story
of what's happening in Turkmenistan,
because this sounds like the family
who sends out a Christmas newsletter
talking about how perfect everyone's lives are,
and then at the very end, they casually mention
that Bobby's been granted parole. What?
Honestly, I think that this dust excuse
is actually more embarrassing
than just saying you have coronavirus.
"Don't worry, we don't have disease here.
"We just have very dusty country
because we don't own a vacuum cleaner."
But if you think this dust excuse is ridiculous,
wait until you see the public service announcement
released by Turkmenistan's health ministry.
ANNOUNCER: Now that you're all wearing masks
to protect yourselves
from our very noncontagious Turkmenistan dust,
here are some other tips for staying safe
in our very healthy country
where there's no coronavirus at all.
Stay six feet apart at all times
to properly admire
the beauty of the Turkmenistan people.
All nonessential businesses will be closed indefinitely
because our glorious people
deserve a vacation.
Vacation must be taken inside your home.
If you experience difficulty breathing,
go to the hospital immediately
so doctors can assure you
that you're breathing just fine.
But in, like, a new, special Turkmenistan way.
And finally, if you see anyone coughing,
just give them a smile
and report them to the Ministry of Non-coronavirus Affairs.