It has been a big weekend in sports,
which means it's time for another edition of
I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking.
(cheers and applause)
♪ ♪
-Oh, man! -Hey!
-Sports fans, good evening, to you. -Yeah.
That's Michael Kosta, I'm Roy Wood, Jr.
-Kosta, it's June, do you know what that means? -Yeah.
It's time to crash some high school graduation parties.
-Am I right? -Okay. That is not what I was thinking.
June is championship season.
-French Open, NBA Finals. -Yep. Yep.
And the Stanley Cup. You watching the hockey?
Eh, nah, that's for white people, Roy,
but I'll tell you what I did watch,
I watched the National Spelling Bee--
combines two of my favorite things--
-clutch performance and child labor. -Yep.
And this year, this little weirdoes were working overtime.
TV REPORTER: At the Scripps National Spelling Bee,
not one, not two, but eight champions.
For the first time in the 92 years of the competition,
spellers could not be stumped.
After 20 grueling rounds, it was just before midnight,
and on a school night, too.
Bewildered judges simply ran out of words,
threw up their hands,
crowning all eight middle-schoolers.
The kids won the spelling bee!
-Hang on. Th-th-this competition lasted nine hours, -Yeah.
and it ended in a tie.
-A tie? -Yeah. Uh...
-They say a tie is like kissing your sister. -Yep.
So I guess an eight-way tie
would be like kissing seven of your sisters.
Well, you know, you're the one from Alabama,
-so I'll take your word for it, but... -(laughter and groaning)
I can't... He should have the right to kiss his sister.
I can't believe they ran out of the words in dictionary.
No, no. Let's be specific here, Kosta.
They ran out of white words in the dictionary.
Next time this happens, here's what they should do.
-Okay. -Just start spelling words from Black Twitter.
-That's how you tiebreak it. -Oh.
-Mr. Kosta. -Yeah.
Your word is "ooh, chile."
Um, um, "ooh, chile."
-Mm. -Um, O...
boy, I don't want to sound racist.
-I forfeit, so... -That is the right move.
-Now let's talk basketball. -Yeah.
You keeping up with the NBA finals, Kosta?
Oh, no, that's for black people, Roy.
The Raptors and Warriors are in the finals.
Toronto had a big game one victory,
so for game two, Golden State brought out their secret weapon.
With all this talk about the Toronto celebrity superfan,
well, the Warriors countered with their own last night,
saying, "We'll see your Drake and raise you one Obama."
NEWSMAN: President Barack Obama
greeted Drake backstage before the game.
Then he sat with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver
for the action. Obama also got a huge ovation
during the game when he was introduced on the jumbotron.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big Toronto welcome
to the 44th president of the United States.
It's Mr. Barack Obama!
WOOD: Oh, yeah.
Ooh, chile!
Look how far Obama has come.
Nobel Peace Prize, two-term president,
and now some drunk Canadians chanting "MVP"?
Yeah. I got to admit, though, I kind of feel bad for the man.
-Obama can't go anywhere without be announced. -Yeah.
-True. -Man can't even go eat at IHOP
without somebody coming over the speaker.
"In the corner booth eating the beans,
"the 44th president of the United States,
Barack Obama!"
And I hate those jumbotrons they put people on.
They throw you up there. Then you have to kiss
whoever you're sitting next to.
Now I just kissed my dad on the lips, you know?
Guess I got to move to Alabama.
All right. That's enough jokes about my home state, Kosta.
I'll slap the shit out of you. Anyway, moving on.
Let's move on to America's true pastime, boxing.
-Yep. -Where minorities punch each other in the face.
-Kosta, do you watch? -This is my favorite sport!
Well, there was a big fight over the weekend
where the new champion put the "heavy" in "heavyweight."
And finally, what a stunner on Saturday night
at the world's most famous arena.
Andy Ruiz Jr., an 11 to one long shot,
knocked out Anthony Joshua in the seventh round
to take Joshua's three heavyweight championship belts.
Ruiz Jr. is the first Mexican-American boxer
in history to become
heavyweight champion of the world.
NEWSWOMAN: He was not supposed to put up
much of a challenge against Joshua,
but the six-foot-two, 268-pounder
put on quite the display.
El "Rocky" Andy Ruiz Jr.,
he's your new undisputed heavyweight champ in the world
after being what's called one of the biggest upsets
in modern heavyweight boxing history.
WOOD: Yes!
-Yes! You know why I'm so happy about this, Kosta? -Why?
-This isn't just a win for Ruiz. -Okay.
It's a win for normal-bodied guys everywhere.
Next time... next time my doctor says I'm overweight,
I'll go, "No, I'm built like a champion."
And that's true. It's so...
-Champion right here. -It is. It is.
-Champion. Champion. -Yeah. It's very inspiring.
I mean, I'm so inspired,
that's why I'm canceling my gym membership.
I mean, all that thing's done is gotten me athlete's foot,
an addiction to protein powder.
Turns out you're not supposed to snort it.
Oh. Well, you know, I'm built like Ruiz.
-Yeah. -You know what, maybe...
maybe I should try getting into boxing.
I'm so glad you said that, because I actually signed you up
for a fight tonight, Roy.
Oh, really? Like-like, a boxing match?
It's more like an underground knife fight.
Um, you're gonna be great, so...
This is a plastic knife.
I need you to go down in the third
and make it look real.
I'm gonna die!
Michael Kosta, Roy Wood Jr., everyone.