Sadhguru: If your concern is your spiritual growth only,
then, if you have a demon for your partner, that's the best thing,
if your concern is only spiritual growth.
But your partner, your husband, wife, is not just about spiritual growth,
you also want to have a pleasant life in the family.
Then you have to choose
someone whom you like, but little...
any human being on the planet, there is something that you don't like about them.
Isn't it so?
So, you use that part of it for your spiritual growth,
and the rest of it you enjoy. [Laughs] Just as life!
So, if your intention is to have a good family,
then some rapport is needed between two people, otherwise it won't work.
Especially if you have produced children, then rapport is a must, otherwise...
you will foul the new life that's come up.
If you create a foul atmosphere, you will foul up the new life that is coming up.
Nobody has any right to do that actually, but people are doing it.
You can mess yourself up as much as you want – that's up to you –
but you can't mess up the fresh life that's just coming up.
I wish reproduction was a more difficult enterprise. [Laughs]
It's too easy! Just happens so easily, isn't it?
If it was a more difficult enterprise,
only those who really want to would have gone for it.
Now that is such an easy enterprise, a compulsive enterprise,
simply it happens.
So, if you're looking for good life, family life,
then one has to find rapport,
and... that rapport means...
some areas of commonality, at least.
But if you're looking for spiritual life,
it doesn't matter what kind of person he is, you can use everything for your growth;
everything for your growth – if that's all your focus is.
But generally your focus is both ways,
you want to have a little bit of that, a little bit of this – it's a mixed fair,
so, it gets a little complex.
See, if you have to just throw one ball and catch it, one ball and catch it, it's easy.
You want to do 2, it gets a little complex.
You want to do 3, it takes much more.
You want to do 5... tough, isn't it?
So, how much you want to juggle with your life
is a choice that every individual has to make.
If you have the capability to juggle a dozen balls effortlessly – wonderful!
But most people will get freaked out if they try to juggle anything more than 2, 3.
Such people, it's better they keep it within that,
or just go for one – just the spiritual ball – easy.
You know? Just the spiritual ball only.
Very easy for them – even in their sleep, they can juggle one ball.
2 becomes a little complicated; as the numbers increase, it becomes very complicated.
Now you want to be spiritual, now you want to have a good family life,
you want to be a good husband, good wife, good father,
good neighbour, socially active, you're ambitious,
you want to conquer the world, you want to do business, you want to do many, many things,
nothing wrong, but it demands different levels of capability.
Nothing wrong with it, but you must see what you're capable of, and what you're not capable of.
If you take up juggling more than you can handle, you'll get distracted to...
endlessly get distracted, completely freak you out.
It's just the simple process of life which is breaking up people, isn't it so?
Hmm? Just trying to make a living, trying to have a successful business,
trying to have a good family, which is breaking up people.
Going into bits.
People are losing their mind, losing their heart, they want to even kill themselves,
all this is happening just trying to juggle too many balls, beyond your capability.
Is it wrong? Nothing wrong with it,
it is just that when you attempt something beyond your capability,
you get freaked out because you invest in all the 5 balls,
if even one falls down, you will freak out.
Your business is successful, but your children not doing well.
Are you okay? No.
Your children are wonderful, wife is wonderful, your business is down the drain.
Are you okay? No.
So, it's like this. Everything is okay, your health is not good – are you okay? No.
So, this is how it is; even if one ball falls down, it will freak you out, isn't it?
Others are all fine, just one fell down – that's the problem, isn't it?
So, to build a rapport takes effort,
takes compromise, takes love,
endurance – it takes endurance, you know?
Somebody is constantly like this,
you want build rapport with that person, but you don't want to go his way;
that takes lots of endurance. Yes, or no?
People whom you love are not easy.
On top of this, they're telling you to love your neighbour also.
The most distress to you is always caused by people whom you love, isn't it so?
Yes? Always.
So, if you love your neighbour [Laughs] more,
you love the whole world much more.
But that's easy – loving the whole world is easy,
because you don't have to love anybody. [Laughs]
It's just an idea. [Laughs]
So, what can you do?
One thing is, to transform yourself in such a way,
being in your presence, unknowingly, their cup will turn around.
If you want to walk alone – very easy.
If you want to take people with you, then it takes a considerable amount of effort.
When Gautama was asked this question,
“Is it better to walk alone on the path, or with a companion?”
He is... he's not like me, he's dry. [Laughs]
He said, “It's better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.”
He's not saying don't walk with anybody, he's not saying don't have companions,
but he said it's better to walk alone than walk with a fool.
Because they can drain you,
they can take such a lot of energy and time.
You don't know, they may be stronger than you, and they may take you their way,
than you taking them your way. [Laughs]
Is every possibility, yes?
So... I won't say what Gautama said,
all I'm saying is, it doesn't matter how you walk,
as far as your spiritual process is concerned, anyway you are alone.
Nobody is with you.
It's only the bodily process, the material process of life,
which you can share with people.
You come alone and you go alone, isn't it?
Even if you have a twin brother or a twin sister,
you still come alone and go alone, isn't it so?
So, when it comes to the spirit, anyway you walk alone.
So, don't mix that up.
So that part of it, you handle well,
the material part of it, according to your capability, to what extent you can do it, you do it.
They come your way, it's wonderful;
if they don't, don't grudge them,
it's just that you don't have to go that way.
Maybe some day, when the doctor tells you, your liver is in a bad state,
he may seek divine, you know? Yes?
Have you seen people who are walking in the morning,
not everybody, there are certain type of people, these are all over 50, 55 age group people,
they have become lean, and they're walking briskly everyday, religiously they are there,
these are all people who generally had a cardiac problem.
They almost died, then their doctor told them, either you do this, or you are gone.
Now their walking is like religion; not Sunday morning – every morning.
Have you seen those people?
Suddenly, they transform: they eat properly, they do everything properly,
because the fear of life and death has come.
So, different people need different kinds of impetus.
If you're sensible, you learn by just looking;
if you're not sensible, you learn by crushing – life will crush you.
So... you make sure the spiritual part of your life
you handle it 100% properly.
The material part of your life is never 100% proper,
never can be, isn't it so?
Is there any family which is a perfect family?
Is there any relationship which is a perfect relationship?
Is there any business which is a perfect business?
Is there any career which is a perfect career?
There is no such thing – don't seek that.
Life will become wasteful, and fanciful, if you seek such things.
They all happen to the extent you are capable of handling them, that's all;
but they're not going into a disastrous mode – all right. [Laughs]