are you feeling uninspired and/or unmotivated?
same
welcome to the club ~
hey guys ~ welcome back
so if you watched my weekend routine as of late
I've been waking up pretty late past noon for the past couple of weeks
actually for the past 2-3 months
if you're doing that once every couple of weeks
or if you're doing that once in a blue moon
I think it's totally fine
because sometimes we just need to rest
our bodies.. our minds are exhausted
we just need to sleep in
we need to honor our body
and do what it needs us to do every once in a while
but the fact that I've been consecutively sleeping in past noon..
for that long.. for someone who doesn't..
like I know I don't need to sleep that much
I know I can get by with like good 7 hours of sleep
I don't need to sleep for like 10-12 hours
so for me to do that..
I realized I'm running away from something
I'm avoiding something
there's something that I need to face that I just don't want to face
there's like resistance
and I've thought about thinking about it
but I've never actually got around to like unpacking the thought of..
why I'm sleeping in so late
and why I'm..
like what it is that I'm avoiding
and of course during the weekday I'm waking up at 6am or 7am
because I need to go to work
and I need to be a functional human being
so that's the week
so if you guys are asking me if I'm still waking up at 4am..
I'm not
but I'm trying to get back to it
because today is daylight saving
and I like using any little excuse as a way to like..
recharge or revamp my routine
New Years, Chinese New Year, daylight savings
like yes! ~
I'm gonna try doing that but I'll get to that in a bit
I woke up yesterday Saturday past noon again
I...
the fact that I woke up late
I set an alarm for 7am and I snoozed until..
past noon or actually I might have turned off my alarm by accident
and that alone already gave me like massive anxiety
because there's a reason why I wanted to wake up at 7am
there's a video I need to film
there's a video I need to upload
and there's just so many things that I need do
that already made me like..
*hyperventilates*
why is it so late
and why did you let yourself sleep in this much
and then on top of that..
I like waiting until the day of or the morning of for me to decide
what kind of video I want to make
because I feel like being spontaneous for me keeps things exciting
keeps me on my toes
and I think it makes my content
and it makes what I do like a little more authentic
so anyway I woke up super uninspired..
super like.. what's the point of it all
why am I doing everything that I'm doing
and of course like I have answers
and I know why I'm doing all of that
but just sometimes when you're so in your head
you just want to be there and like have little pity party
and like wallow and just be in that place
and I caught myself..
so I was like you know what..
I know what you're trying to do
and I'm not gonna let you do that
well I'm gonna let you do that
but while you're doing that in your head..
I'm gonna make you physically go clean
and go do the things that I know you will feel better doing
and it's so weird that I'm talking about me like you and I at the same time
so anyway..
I vacuumed
you guys know how much I love vacuuming
I vacuum once every weekend
just helps me feel so.. ~ ahhh! ~
you know the floors.. there's no more dust
you see how much dust gets accumulated in the little vacuum
and the fact that my vacuum is like a little gun
that it's kind of like a game
you know I made it into a game
so that alone was like.. ~ ah okay ~
doing one thing great
next thing: clean my whole apartment
thankfully my apartments already pretty clean
I've been doing this thing where I..
like usually when I come home after a long day
you just like throw your clothes everywhere
piles up here.. right here just
piles and piles of clothes after a week or two of not dealing with it
so I made it a point to just put things back where they belong as I'm using it
so I didn't have much to tidy up
just kind of like picked up a few things
threw away a few things
and you know that was done cleaning
and then I did something I haven't done in a really long time
put on my workout shoes.. went downstairs
and I worked out for the first time in about like 6, 7, 8 months
the last time I worked out was in this video
it was a long time ago
long long time ago
and...
after working out..
something interesting happened the night before
so like this..
everything that I'm talking about is Saturday night
so Friday night I just had this urge to just swim
I have a pool downstairs
and I haven't used it for like the 1.5 years that I've been here
and I was just like.. I want to swim
I want to be in the water
I love the water.. I love the ocean
so I went out of my way, went to Target at 11pm
got goggles, got a swimsuit
so that I could swim the next day
and right after working out.. went downstairs
and went swimming
there's just something about being in the water
I posted this on my Instagram stories of how..
between focusing on my breaths..
and between making sure I don't face plant into the wall
I experienced a flow that I haven't experienced in a very long time
when you're in the water you're just fully present
if you get distracted you'll just choke on water
water will get into something and somewhere
and that's not comfortable
that's the first time I've been present like that
in a really long time
all that is just to say..
the power of intuition
the power of knowing yourself and honoring your intuition
and honoring your wildest dreams
I don't know like wanting to swim isn't even a wildest dream, right?
but had I not done that..
I wouldn't have been able to experience and remind myself of like
okay, the importance of being present..
what does it mean? how does it feel?
while I was working out I was listening to The Bullet Journal Method
which is the book that I'm reading right now on the Kindle
I downloaded Audible so that I could listen to it as I work out
and then in between working out..
because what he was saying resonated so deeply with me
I started highlighting
I ended up downloading Kindle on my phone
and I would switch between audio
and like highlighting the passages that really spoke out to me
and let me just read one thing that was like a..
~ aha ~ moment
okay
"Our lives are lived in seasons of more, seasons of less, seasons of triumph, seasons of loss."
"Each season sees our needs change."
"We live, learn, and adapt."
"So, too, must our definition of meaning."
"Things that grow in one season rot in another."
"If we blindly hold on to the past.."
"..we'll be forced to sustain ourselves with the expiring beliefs from seasons gone by."
"No wonder we're often left feeling unsatisfied, empty, starving for substance."
"In order to live fulfilling lives, we have to embrace the shifting nature of our experience.."
"..by making our search for a meaning and ongoing practice."
and this was exactly what was happening to me
my life seasons are changing
and change in any shape or form is uncomfortable
and instead of embracing it..
like I knew it's coming
I know it's coming
I see it.. I see it in the distance
like.. the season is starting to change and I feel it
you know there's like micro seasonal changes
and there's like big life season changes
and I think a big life season change is coming
and I've known that for the past few months
but for whatever reason..
I've been resistant to it because..
I don't know
where I'm at right now is comfortable
a year ago where I'm at now is like..
~ whoa... how are you here~
but now that I've been existing in this space
for a few months now
for half a year now
it grew to become my comfort zone
I like to think of comfort zone as like..
you know a circle.. you're in the middle
when you first expand it's like..
~ whoa.. this is new.. this is so weird.. ~ ~ this is so strange ~
but then the more you exist in here..
you get comfortable with it
and this becomes your comfort zone
and then you expand again
and then that initial expansion is like..
~ omg.. this is new.. what's going on.. ~
and then you expand again and expand again
and I think I'm on like a.. like a..
*BIG* expansion that's why it's like..
*attempts to animate BIG lol*
I don't know.. there's resistance
I talk about this all the time
when you're going through something
when you feel uninspired
when you don't feel like doing anything at all
just do one thing
start from doing one very little thing
and I think an act of doing one thing and accomplishing one task..
will help you continue to want to do more things
so for me it was actually making my bed
I woke up late but I made my bed
started vacuuming.. started cleaning
after I cleaned I like you know.. I was getting my blood flowin`
I was moving, I was active, and I was like ~ let's work out! ~
so I went downstairs and worked out
and as I was working out..
I was listening to this book that I've been reading
either way this book is so much more than bullet journaling
it's so much more than bullet journaling
if you're into self-development
if you're into self-care.. if you're into productivity
this is an amazing book
highly highly recommend
thank you guys so much for recommending this book to me
for those of you who recommended to me
thank you 🙏
and...
yeah so.. one little thing led to..
like it became a snowball effect and led to a much much bigger thing
although I didn't film yesterday..
although I didn't do a lot of things that I had planned to do or that I wanted to do..
I actually gained so much more mental clarity
because I allowed myself to take a step back
and to just breathe and do what I want to do for a day
instead of what I "felt like I needed to do" which is work
and I realized work is always gonna be there
it's not leaving.. it's not going anymore
still gonna be there tomorrow
it's gonna still be there in a month
still gonna be there in a year.. two years.. three years
so why not just do what you want to do sometimes and not be so hard on yourself
so that's something that I'm still working on
but I think yesterday was a very good example for me..
of how it's important to embrace change
it's important to embrace the seasons of life and the seasonality that is life
because when we experience discomfort..
when we experience things that make us resistant
it usually means because we're growing or expanding
changes are coming and change is a great thing
and..
I think..
yeah *gibberish*
like if I want to give you guys more context..
it's just gonna be like sit down.. just you know chit-chatting
catching up with you guys
I feel like with my channel..
I've been doing it long enough to kind of know
what type of content you guys like
I know what type of content the YouTube algorithm likes
I know what keywords to use
I know..
you know from like a business perspective because I come from a business background
I like building things
I like taking things from zero to one
and I think I took my channel from zero to one
there's one.. it could go you know one to a hundred
I think that's where I'm at now.. of like how far do I want to take it
same thing with Beauty Within
when I first started hosting on Beauty Within the channel wasn't doing too well
we had a million subscribers
and at that time the videos were averaging 10-20k views per video
and for a channel with a million subscribers, the engagement rate is pretty low
how can we take it from zero to one
so 'zero' meaning we weren't..
the engagement rate wasn't that high
how can we create content
what type of content can we make
that will appeal to our existing subscribers
as well as new subscribers
I think over the past 6 months
after a lot of sleepless nights
and a lot of.. some tears, no blood, put a lot of sweat
a lot of *cries* hard work
we did it! ~
you know like.. for my channel, it's doing well
for Beauty Within, it's doing well
I've successfully built two little mountains
you know it could be two little mounds
and now I'm at a place where it's like.. okay, what's next?
do I continue building upon these current mountains that I've already built
or is there mountains in the horizons that I need to climb
or is there a mountain that's there..
but I'm not seeing right now that I need to think about
that I need to really look inward and soul search to figure out what it is
I've always had a pretty strong intuition
and when I feel like something's coming, like something's for sure coming
and so the fact that I don't know what it is it's kind of scary
and it's very..
I don't know
I just.. I'm.. I'm..
I'm a control freak
I like knowing what happens
I like knowing what's happening when it's happening
how it's happening and why it's happening
and I think because I don't know
and I've..
I've kind of taught myself to just embrace not knowing
embrace the unknown
I'm a little better at it, but it's still freaking me out
so I guess with all of this..
it's just to..
*sighs*
this video.. I don't know
I was gonna make it a vlog
but I was like no, I've been doing so many vlogs
and sometimes I just want to live my life
I don't want to have to vlog it
and like get the angles as I'm living my life
so...
I posted this on my Instagram stories yesterday
and so many of you guys responded saying thank you
or like I needed to hear the quote that I read earlier about changing of seasons
and I think with all of that it just goes back to self-awareness
and being still enough so that you can listen to what you're telling yourself
yeah *laughs*
basically just being still enough
or just being in tune with yourself enough that you know..
who you are and why you're feeling the things you're feeling
change is good, seasonality is good
life is.. you know
there's ebbs and flows, it comes and goes
and you know..
the more we accept this
and you know, I think we know so many things
like that's the..
that's the frustrating part is that we intuitively know a lot of things
but to embrace it and to put these concepts into practice
and when these things pop up in our life
how to deal with it, our reactions to it..
that's a different story
so.
I guess this is just a reminder for myself
and for any of you guys who are feeling this way
that life happens, change happens, and that's totally fine
embrace it, appreciate it because these changes in your life..
it's showing you and it's showing us that..
we are human and that we're growing
and that we're alive and that we're breathing
and that we have the privilege to live another day
and to take another breath
and to ask ourselves these hard questions
to get us closer and closer to where we ultimately want to be
and where we ultimately want to go
and I think that's like such a beautiful thing that we forget all the time
"you can't be grateful for everything, but you can be grateful in every moment."
and I think that's such a powerful thing
that I forget all the time because I'm human
with everything that I've been going through..
I know to take myself to the next level.. to level up..
to move beyond this comfort zone that I'm currently in
to expand..
I need to start implementing things in my life that I've been meaning to implement
and for me, I just I know.. I need to start waking up earlier
like 4:00 a.m. early
I know I need to take my spiritual practice a lot more seriously
I mean I've been taking it seriously, but it's like..
with faith, you can say you have faith
but the depth of your faith, right?
or you can meditate, like you can physically sit there..
but the depth and how deeply concentrated you are
or how present you are as you're doing these things..
that's like the diligence that I'm talking about
yes, I want to start waking up early again at 4:00 a.m.
so that I can meditate and do qi gong exercises for 2 hours in the morning
every morning before work and go from there
I think once I start doing that consistently as I did two years ago
yeah that's crazy to say it's almost two years ago
I think..
I will just be consistently at a much better place..
because it's like.. I don't like sleeping in
I don't like waking up so late
I don't like feeling feelings all the time
I mean it's cool sometimes like
it's nice to know what you're feeling and it's nice to feel..
but I don't want that to be my constant
thankfully it hasn't, but just even when I get small doses of it these days
I'm just like..
*sigh/laugh of relief*
I'm so glad I'm not here consistently anymore
but because I've been there, I know what it's like
and I know that a lot of us are there
so with all of that
this is to just tell you guys that I'm gonna start waking up early again
again it's daylight savings
great time to start a new goal
to pick up on those goals you've been meaning to pick up on
and I will hopefully make a video in maybe a few weeks..
if I consistent with what I'm doing
I'll do an updated How To Wake Up Early
or like do some sort of a vlog to share with you guys
because I need to keep myself accountable
and also because I've been reading The Bullet Journal Method..
I wanted to read the book before I actually started my bullet journal
so I know what I'm doing
I'm halfway through the book and I think I'm gonna start
I'm just gonna start
I can't keep waiting
I need to like get my thoughts out on paper
and with that, thank you guys so much for joining me
and there'll be a lot..
a lot is coming
I think past couple of..
the past two months have been pretty crazy
I've been shifting more of my focus onto Beauty Within
but bullet journaling starting..
gonna start waking up early again..
so much content can be made out of that..
and um.. yeah
maybe I'll share with you guys some developments in the coming weeks
look out for that..
thank you guys for joining
and I'll see you guys next time
*waves goodbye*
~ hug hug! ~