♪ ♪
>> Greg: HAPPY MONDAY,
EVERYONE.
THEY SAY THAT SOME PICTURES ARE
WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS.
THIS ONE JUST WON’T SHUT THE F
UP.
WEBER THIS DRESS WORN AT THE
GHOULISH METS GALA WHERE THE
MASTERS SAUNTERED AROUND MASS
GLASS WHILE THE SERVANTS
IMPERSONATED THE GAMES FROM PULP
FICTION, THERE HASN’T BEEN A
MORE STARK CONTRAST BETWEEN THE
POWERFUL AND FLIP LEAVES SINCE I
WAS ON THE DAILY SHOW.
EACH TICKET COST 35 GRAND.
A REAL WORKING-CLASS EVENT.
MUST FEEL GREAT WAITING ON SNOBS
WHO PAID YOUR YEARLY INCOME FOR
A NIGHT OUT.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THEY ALSO
THINK YOU ARE RIFE WITH DISEASE
SO YOU BETTER KEEP THE MASK ON.
TAX THE RICH WAS THE
IN-YOUR-FACE MASK LESS FACE
MESSAGE I SCREWED THAT UP BUT I
DON’T CARE.
IT WAS A MESSAGE TO THE RICH,
WHITE LIBS WHO WOULD LIKE
NOTHING MORE THAN FOR YOU TO
THINK THAT THEY AGREE.
WHICH IS WHY THIS MESSAGE WAS
ABOUT AS EDGY AS A WORLD US
GRATIS GRANDPA COFFEE MUG.
BUT WORSE, AND NOT THAT
SURPRISING, THE DESIGNER OF
AOC’S DRESS HAPPILY IGNORES HER
OWN MESSAGE.
AT THE NOTORIOUS TAX DEADBEAT
WITH UNPAID DEBTS DOGGING HER IN
MULTIPLE STATES.
IT IS TRUE.
WESLEY SNIPES HAS A BETTER
REPUTATION WITH THE IRS THAN HER
HER.
SHE HAS SIX IRS TAX LIENS
TOTALING A HUNDRED $3,000 ON HER PARENTS COMPANY AND A $17
--
THAT A PARENT COMPANY IT SOUNDS
MORE LIKE A DEADBEAT DAD.
SHE FACES LEGAL CHALLENGES FOR
NONPAYMENT OF WORKER BENEFITS.
THE COMPANY CURRENTLY HAS
$62,000.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU BUY WITH THAT
TYPE OF MONEY?
YEAH, TWO TICKETS TO THE MEN’S
GALA.
HER COMPANY HAS BEEN HIT WITH
MORE WARRANTS THAN YOUR AVERAGE
MS-13 GANG MEMBER.
16 TO BE EXACT SINCE 2016.
THAT IS TEN MORE THAN KAT TIMPF.
BUT TO BE FAIR, UNLIKE
KAT TIMPF’S, THEY DON’T INVOLVE
PUNCTURING A NIGHTCLUB BOUNCER’S
EARDRUM WITH A STILETTO.
>> ONE TIME.
>> Greg: MORE THAN ONCE.
AND RECEIVED OVER 41 GRANT AND
PANDEMIC RELIEF, SHE PUTS THE
ARTIST AND SCAM ARTIST.
THEY CALL HER PLACE OF WORK A
SWEAT SHOP AND NOT A COMPLIMENT
EITHER.
SHE APPARENTLY RELIED ON UNPAID
INTERNS WORKING FULL-TIME JOBS.
THIS IS SOMETHING WE DON’T DO
HERE.
RIGHT, JOE?
>> I AM A --
DO YOU THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO
MAKE EYE CONTACT SOON?
THANK YOU FOR THE FREAK RULE.
>> Greg: YOU ARE WELCOME.
ONE OF THE JOE’S.
I FORGET WHICH ONE.
ONE WORKER CLAIMS THAT THERE IS
THE DESIGNER WOULD FORCE HER TO
SCHEDULE HER DRESSMAKERS
GYNECOLOGICAL APPOINTMENTS.
I CAN SAFELY SAY I WOULD NEVER
DO THAT.
>> GREG, I MOVED YOUR PAP SMEAR
TO 10:30.
>> Greg: MAY BE.
FOR A FEW MONTHS IDENTIFIED AS
THE MERMAID.
BACTERIA FROM THE OCEAN IS NO
LAUGHING MATTER DOWN THERE.
>> WOW.
>> Greg: BUT THIS SHOULD NOT
SURPRISE YOU.
IN THE WORLD OF PROGRESSIVISM,
THE ACT OF CARING ABOUT THE
POWERLESS IS OFTEN A WAY TO
ENHANCE HER OWN POWER.
IT’S YOUR MELT AGAINST
CRITICISM, GIVING YOU A PASS FOR
DERELICT BEHAVIOR.
YOU CAN STILL FLAUNT YOUR BAG AS
LONG AS THE RECEIPTS ARE MADE OF
RECYCLABLE MATERIAL AND IF YOU
SAY ALL THE RIGHT LIBERAL
THINGS, NO ONE DARES PEAK BEHIND
THE CURTAIN TO CALLOUT YOUR
SCAMS.
THANK GOD FOR THE EMMYS, RIGHT?
THEY SHOULD GIVE THEMSELVES AN
AWARD FOR BEST TONE-DEAF CLOWN
CARNIVAL.
IT’S WHERE GRATIS HOLLYWOOD
CELEBS WENT MASK LESS TO
CONVERGE IN AN OF MUTUAL.
BUT IF ANYBODY SHOULD BE HIDING
BEHIND THE MASK, IT’S A SELF
ABSORBED, SANCTIMONIOUS
SELLOUTS.
THERE IS MORE INTEGRITY IN A
HOLDING CELL AT RIKERS.
IT’S A PRISON, YOU WEST COASTERS
COASTERS.
WHILE YOUR KIDS MUST WEAR MASKS
IN SCHOOL AND WHILE YOU MUST
WEAR A MASK AND GIN AND I MUST
WEAR A MASK IN BED, NOTHING TO
DO WOULD COVET BUT EVERYTHING TO
DO WITH ROLE-PLAYING, THESE
RECOGNITION CRAVING LEMMINGS
PACKED THEMSELVES TOGETHER
WITHOUT A MASK INSIGHT.
EXCEPT OF COURSE FOR THE
NONCELEBS, THE ASSISTANCE AND
SERVERS AND PROPS WHO ALL IN
BRACED THE ROLE OF HANDMAIDS TO
THEIR FAMOUS SUPERIORS.
THEY ALL LOOK LIKE EXTRAS FROM
EYES WIDE SHUT.
SPEAKING OF HANDMADE, CONGRATS
TO THAT SHOW WHICH BROKE THE
RECORD FOR MOST EMMYS LOSSES IN
HISTORY.
OR SHOULD I SAY, HER STORY.
WHAT A SHAME.
IT HAS SUCH A POSITIVE MESSAGE.
IT TURNS OUT CREATING A DISMAL
MISERABLE MESS OF MALE LOATHING
ONLY WORKS IN WOMEN STUDY
CLASSES.
MY COLONOSCOPY WON MORE EMMYS.
TO BE FAIR, WHAT A SURPRISE
ENDING.
FOUR MATCHBOX CARS.
I COUNTED THREE AT THE TIME.
BUT AT LEAST THEY WERE JOKES.
>> HAD THE RESULTS OF THE
SPECIAL RECALL ELECTION FROM THE
2018 AND ME OUTSTANDING COMEDY.
AS YOU REMEMBER, THAT HERE, THE
"MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL" WAS DULY
ELECTED WITH AN OVERWHELMING
MAJORITY, BUT CALIFORNIA LAW
DOES ALLOW FOR THE RECALL OF ANY
EMMYS AWARD IF ENOUGH SIGNATURES
ARE FIRST OBTAINED.
MEETING THE 2018 EMMYS WINNER
FOR BEST COMEDY COULD SOON BE
THE MARVELOUS MRS. LARRY ELDER.
>> THAT WAS LIKE A FOUR HOUR
DRIVE TO 10 MINUTES AT THE BEACH
BEACH.
AND TALK ABOUT SPEAKING TRUTH TO
POWER, AM I RIGHT?
I HAVEN’T HEARD MATERIAL THIS
DURING SINCE THE LATEST
COMMERCIAL FOR RELIEF FACTOR.
RENTED, HE LOOKED GREAT.
BUT ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS
THAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST
DECADE, THIS EXPLOSION OF AWARD
SHOW SWITCH HAPPENED BECAUSE WE
ARE MORE AWARE OF THE
HYPOCRISIES.
TURNS OUT THE MORE SANCTIMONIOUS
JUDGMENTS THESE -- THE FEWER
VIEWERS THEY END UP HAPPENING
BECAUSE WE SEE WHO THEY REALLY
ARE.
COUPLE THAT WITH THE GLOOM AND
DOOM CONTENT THAT IS ALWAYS
TRYING TO BRING THE CONSUMER IS
EVIL AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH AN
AUDITORIUM FULL OF VIRTUE
SIGNALING MILLIONAIRE [BLEEP].
TERRIFIED THAT THEIR PERSONAL
SCANDALS MIGHT BE MET WITH
ACCOUNTABILITY.
IT’S WHY SHE SCARES THE [BLEEP]
OUT OF THEM.
IT’S WHY THEY ARE LIKE A
MONSTER’S TRUNK.
THEY STINK OF DEATH.
AND MAYBE THAT’S WHY THE HELP
WERE WEARING MASKS AFTER ALL.
SADLY, NO MASK CAN BLOCK THE
STENCH OF CLUED THIS SELF
ABSORPTION.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW
ARE THE LOSERS HE KEEPS SHOWING
UP THINKING THEY ARE WINNERS.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
HE IS WON EMMY’S, GOLDEN GLOBES,
AND MY ANNUAL WET T-SHIRT
CONTEST, ROB LAW.
HER STAR IS RISING SO FAST IT
GAVE ASTRONOMERS WHIPLASH.
CASEY McDONALD.
SOMEONE IS GOT A CASE OF THE
MONDAYS AND LIFE.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, KAT TIMPF.
AND HE IS LEGALLY BARRED FROM
OWNING A TRAMPOLINE.
THE NWA --
TYRUS.
SO, ROB, WELCOME BACK.
IT HAS BEEN A WHILE.
I HAVE ASSUME YOU’VE BEEN
WORKING BUT WHO KNOWS.
>> LET’S GO WITHOUT.
I’VE BEEN WORKING.
>> Greg: OF COURSE.
YOU DID WHEN AN ENEMY.
>> I’VE BEEN NOMINATED.
>> Greg: SO YOU LOSS.
SO IT’S A SORE SPOT FOR YOU.
>> A DIFFICULT MOMENT, YEAH.
I LIKE THE FACT YOU ARE MAKING
FUN OF IT, ON THE OTHER HAND, I
DO PLAN TO BE BACK THERE SOMEDAY
AND I WILL BE WEARING A GIANT
WHITE ROPE THAT SAYS PLEASE DO
NOT AUDIT MY 2017 TAXES.
TAX THE RICH.
>> Greg: WAY TO CHANGE THE
SUBJECT, --
YOU CAN’T DO DO THE SHOW IF YOU
WANT TO WIN ON EMMYS.
>> MY SECRET PLAN IS THAT NO ONE
IN HOLLYWOOD WATCHES THE SHOW.
THIS IS WHY IT WILL BE MY LAST
APPEARANCE.
PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY REASON.
>> MIGHT DISGUISE THEM.
LIKE LITTLE COSTUME AND GUESS
WHO IT IS.
>> I DO HAVE A PEOPLE’S CHOICE
AWARD.
>> Greg: FOR WHAT?
>> FOR MY WORK ON A TELEVISION
SHOW CALLED "CHEERS."
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: BACK WHEN EVERYBODY
USED TO KNOW YOUR NAME.
AND I HAVE A WRITERS GUILD AWARD
FOR GROUP WRITING A SKETCH THAT
APPEARED ON THE EARTH DAY
SPECIAL OF LIKE 1999 OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
THAT’S HOW YOU GET AWARDS IN
HOLLYWOOD.
YOU JUST DO SOMETHING ON
BIRTHDAY.
>> Greg: THAT IS TREMENDOUS.
YOU VIRTUE SIGNAL.
WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF THE VIRTUE
SIGNALING DRESS?
>> YOU KIND OF ARE IN THE SAME
COLOR SCHEME AS AOC’S DRESS.
I KNOW IT’S ORANGE BUT IT IS
REMINISCENT OF THAT.
>> Greg: IT LOOKS LIKE A CHECK
FOR LATE CRUMPLED UP BAG.
>> IT KIND OF DOES.
BUT IF YOU WILL -- WHAT WOULD IT
SAY?
FIX THE BORDER, DON’T FLY ON
PRIVATE PLANES?
>> Greg: IT WOULD SAVE DON’T
PUBLISH THOSE PICTURES.
>> TO YOUR POINT, EARTH DAY,
SUSTAINABILITY, DO WE CARE ABOUT
TAXES?
>> Greg: AGAIN, IT IS WHAT SHE
IS SAYING IS THAT THE RICH DON’T
PAY ENOUGH.
>> CORRECT. >> Greg: THE LADY WHO
--
>> BUT SHE ALSO IS A LADY WHO
MADE THE DRESS PURCHASED A
$1.6 MILLION HOUSE IN L.A. IN
2020.
I WORK.
I NEED TO CHECK MY BANK ACCOUNT
BUT I AM NOT SURE I CAN CHECK ON
A $1.6 MILLION HOUSE.
>> Greg: SHE ALSO HAS NOT PAID
THE PROPERTY TAXES, ANOTHER
PLACE WHERE SHE IS DEVIANT.
KAT TIMPF, SPEAKING OF
DEVIANT --
BECAUSE THANK YOU.
>> Greg: DID YOU WATCH THE
EMMYS?
>> OF COURSE NOT.
WHY WOULD I?
I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ALL THE
NEWS RELATED TO THIS.
AND WHEN AOC LOVES TO BRAG I AM
SO PROUD TO HAVE WORN THE STRESS
MADE BY THIS WOMEN IMMIGRANT
DESIGNER, SHE IS AN IMMIGRANT
FROM TORONTO.
SHE CAME FROM A SUBURB IN
TORONTO AND ASA IS LIKE SHE
WORKED HER WAY TO THE TOP.
I’M LIKE, FROM A SUBURB IN
TORONTO?
SO IT’S SO RARE TO FIND
SOMETHING THAT IS COMPLETELY
THIS FULL OF [BLEEP].
USUALLY THERE IS A GRAIN OF SOME
NICER TRUTH.
CAN’T FIND IT HERE.
CONGRATS ON THAT AT LEAST.
>> Greg: I’M ALSO JUST GETTING
TIRED OF THE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE
TO TAX THE RICH MORE THAN YOU
ALREADY TAX THE RICH.
IT’S A COMPLETE -- WHO DO YOU
THINK IS PAYING ALL THE TAXES?
THE RICH.
WE ARE DOING ALREADY.
AND I SAY WE BECAUSE LET’S FACE
IT, I AM FILTHY RICH NOW.
DON’T APPLAUD.
I AM JOKING.
I AM NOT FILTHY RICH.
>> BUT YOU HAD TO PUT SOMETHING
ON YOUR CLOSE.
HAS TO BE -- UNLESS YOU ARE
KIM KARDASHIAN AND YOU CAN PUT A
BRAND-NEW TAX PLAN ON THE.
BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT TO T
LIKE THAT.
IT’S LIKE THE NPR VERSION OF A
MAG I.
THAT’S BASICALLY WHAT SHE WAS
WEARING.
>> Greg: WHAT DO YOU, TYRUS?
>> SO YOU’RE RICH, HA?
>> Greg: I AM JOKING.
I AM NOT RICH. HE SAID AND THEN HE REALIZED --
>> >> Greg: I AM RICH WITH
FRIENDS AND LOVE.
>> I GUESS --
CAN YOU LET ME FINISH, RICH GUY?
CAN THE BROKE BROTHER ON MEDIUM
STREET GET A WORD IN?
JEEZ.
TAX GREG GUTFELD IS GOING ON MY
DRESS.
WHAT IS SAID ABOUT THIS, NOT SAD
BUT VERY TYPICAL FOR DEMOCRATS
IS THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO
FRIENDS AND THEN BECAUSE THAT
WOULD HAVE BEEN SOMEBODY ELSE’S
DRESSMAKER, LIKE A MELANIA TRUMP
AND WE HEARD ALL THAT, RIGHT NOW
WE WOULD BE WAITING FOR THE
PUBLIC’S EXECUTION AS THEY WALK
AROUND.
IT’S UNBELIEVABLE HOW MUCH THEY
WILL LET YOU GO IF YOU ARE ON
THEIR SIDE BECAUSE SHOULDN’T THE
WOMEN WHO MADE THAT DRESS BE
EXACTLY WHO SHE IS GOING AFTER?
A RICH PERSON WHO DOES NOT PAY
THEIR TAXES?
THAT IS LITERALLY WHO --
THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY?
>> YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS NOT
LOOKING OUT AT.
>> DEFINITELY NOT --
>> Greg: YOU MAKE A GREAT
POINT.
I THINK WHENEVER MILANI WAS
WEARING A DESIGNER, THE MEDIA
WOULD GO AFTER THE DESIGNER.
AND ASK ARE YOU AWARE THAT THE
FIRST LADY IS WEARING ONE OF
YOUR DRESSES?
ARE YOU OFFENDED BY THAT?
THAT WAS ALWAYS THE STORY.
>> THEY WOULD ALWAYS ATTACK.
IN THIS ONE LITERALLY, THE
CRIMINAL IS RIGHT NEXT TO HER.
TAX THE RICH AND SHE IS LIKE
YEAH, DO THAT.
>> ALSO, WHAT IS THE METS GALA?
IT BECAME A THING?
>> Greg: IT’S THE OSCARS
WITHOUT THE MOVIE IS SO YOU UP
FOR THE DRESSES AND EVERYBODY
LOOKS AND THEY PAY $35,000 TO
WALK AROUND IN COSTUMES.
>> YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT.
IT’S THE NEW FLOWERS WHERE THE
SWAMP GROWS BECAUSE THOSE
$30,000 TICKETS, THEY HAVE TO
PAY THAT BACK SOMEHOW.
>> Greg: IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS
ALWAYS EITHER MET GALA OR
PASSION WEEK OR PRIDE WEEK OR
RAMADAN.
ALWAYS ONE OF THOSE FOUR THINGS
ALL THE TIME.
>> Greg: I NEVER NOTICED THAT
BEFORE.
GOING TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THAT.
BEFORE WE GO, A QUICK
ANNOUNCEMENT.
WE ARE TAKING THE SHOW TO
NASHVILLE NEXT WEEK, AND WE JUST
RELEASE MORE TICKETS.
MEMBER WE SOLD OUT QUESTION
MIGHT GO TO FOXNews.com/GET FELT AND