- Ask and you shall receive.
Sort of, cause I do often ask on Grindr for certain things
and I never receive them.
So, maybe that statement isn't 100% true.
But in this case I have asked, on my Facebook page,
and I have received.
What is the stupidest reason your child
has burst into tears slash thrown a tantrum.
I told him he was turning five not 45.
Obviously he's thrown one hell of a tantrum
because she goes onto say, I ended up making him
a 45th rainbow sprinkle birthday cake.
Still claims he's 45.
(laughing)
And as a mother she's just gone, it's just easier
if I make a cake with 45 on it.
My six year old daughter came running frantically
toward me screaming,"Oh my God!
"He's got a bone sticking out, help Mommy he's gonna die!"
I go running to my son frantically, phone in hand
ready to call an ambulance and he has an erection.
He had his first erection.
(laughing)
Oh I don't know how to feel about that, that's weird.
That's such an awkward family moment.
There's some comments under this that says,
My son came up to me really concerned one day and said,
"Mom, my penis has turned to stone!" (laughing)
My then three year old daughter had a python snake lolly,
like the Allen snake but the really long ones,
and she named it.
She had it for a few days until one day
I heard her suddenly bawling in her room.
Of course I dropped what I was doing and rushed to save her
and found her sitting in the corner of her room
clutching the headless snake, sobbing and chewing.
(laughing)
She had lost the battle with temptation
and she ate her pet lolly snake. (laughing)
That's so cute.
I've told my son to stop brushing his balls
with his toothbrush.
There's your first mistake as a mother,
if you can get your kid to clean that area, at any time,
you just let them go even if they use a dish washing brush,
a toilet brush, whatever brush it is,
if they're cleaning themselves at all,
that's a thumbs up moment!
I remember as a kid, I hated having a bath or a shower.
I would go into the bathroom and just turn the taps on
and just like pretend that I was showering.
And you stick your hand in to make that like, noise
that shower makes when it sounds like your in the shower.
Done!
And mom would see that my hair was completely dry,
and I'd be like, no I just didn't put my head under.
But she could smell that I definitely didn't shower.
The times that she asks for a peanut butter sandwich,
I give her a peanut butter sandwich #45minutemeltdown.
(laughing)
I just love kids can get away with throwing tantrums
that I think are perfectly reasonable.
It's like when you order food, you get the food,
but you actually don't want the food.
They throw a tantrum and cry.
Whereas an adult, you just sort of get really angry
and bottle that emotion and know that you can't express
your feelings of anger at yourself for ordering,
you know, the steak instead of the ravioli.
And you see the ravioli come out
but you've ordered the steak
and you just have to eat the steak.
You know your not allowed to have a meltdown,
but you wanna have a meltdown.
Kids, they are free to have meltdowns whenever they want.
(laughing)
This one is so great.
Why did your kid throw a tantrum?
That time our dog didn't come home.
We don't have a (bleep) dog. (laughing)
That's really funny.
Oh my God, being a parent
must just be so stressful and difficult.
Honestly I swear somedays it's because
the sweet ocean breeze is blowing
just a fraction too far south
and she loses her shit because of it.
Toddlers are jerks!
Threenagers will turn you into an alcoholic
and I swear four will kill any remaining shreds of hope
you have left of your sanity for surviving five.
How the (bleep) humans are so prolific is beyond me
because if I was a caveman mom I would have happily fed
my daughter to a T-rex during her year of two.
Toddlers and small children are asshats!
(laughing)
Claire is my favorite.
Claire is just a mom who is on the edge and has given up.
She's like, do I push my kids off the edge
or do I embrace them through the screams.
So why did your kid cry?
Because when we were on our Christmas light drive
through the city, (laughing hysterically)
This is so, oh my God, this is so cute and weird.
Because when we were on our Christmas light drive
through the city, the other kids got to see
a prostitute and she didn't.
(laughing) So she cried.
Oh that is just the best.
My son had a tantrum because his invisible cake
and our invisible tea party was too spicy. (laughing)
Oh my God is that not the definition of insanity?
When a cake that is imaginary that you eat causes you to cry
because it's too spicy.
Oh man, I wanna meet these kids.
Like holy shit, they are next level insane!
Oh this is bringing me so much joy.
My two year old daughter wanted me to buy her a penis
because being a girl was so boring.
I literally had to pretend to call the 1-800-Penis hotline
to place an order for a pink penis to calm her down.
Okay so this mom has a set of twins
and they're three years old, and she writes,
Twin one is crying because I told him he's not allowed
to stick Crustkits in his brother's bum.
Twin two is crying because I won't let twin one
stick Crustkits in his butthole even though it hurts.
(laughing)
Oh my God this is a picture.
She couldn't find the cat. (laughing)
Oh my God I'm dying!
Holly's kid had a meltdown
because she wanted long boobies like her mother.
(laughing)
My kid had a meltdown because she didn't get to hear
the dog fart and everybody else did.
But that's a legitimate reason to have a meltdown,
I would be upset.
I don't think I've ever heard a dog fart before.
I told my son not to use half the container
of body wash, one pump is enough.
He cried and said,
"How am I supposed to wash my massive willy then?"
Oh my God this one is so cute.
Oh my God.
When my daughter was three she had
a screaming tantrum in the supermarket
because she didn't want boysenberry yogurt,
(giggling)
she wanted girlsnberry yogurt. (laughing)
I'm having the best day of my life right now.
She had a Baby Born doll which drinks and wees,
I wouldn't let her feed the baby
then drink from the other end. (laughing)
What's wrong with that?
It's just water isn't it?
Oh I suppose it's not setting a great example.
My daughter had a tantrum because her brother threw
her invisible camera out the car window and I refused
to turn around and go get it.
I wouldn't let him shit in the crisp packet,
so he threw a tantrum.
I mean we've all wanted to shit in a packet of chips
at one point of our lives haven't we?
Just tell him to wait til he's an adult
then he can shit wherever he wants.
No he can't actually, it is illegal to shit in public.
Oh my God.
My son had a meltdown because I told him,
six year old little boys don't dance naked
to "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard"
in front of his 10 year old sister
and her friends. (laughing)
Ah, jeez, your gonna have a worrying sort of adolecenthood
with your son there.
My daughter cried hysterically for about an hour
because she didn't have memories
of beach she'd never been to.
When my oldest was two, he noticed that my genitals
were different to his and he cried his eyes out
because we weren't the same
and then he tried to pull his penis off.
Because his cheese and crackers didn't have holes
in the cheese like on the Savoy box.
I used a straw to make cheese holes every day
for two years after the incident.
Oh my God, Mom, that is dedication.
My six year old woke me up crying in the middle of the night
because her eyes were open.
At that moment I felt her pain.
I called his meals spaghetti instead of meat and pasta.
(laughing)
Aww!
And then she says, So I took the meal away,
did some fake things in the kitchen, returned,
and named it meat and pasta.
Oh man this describes my childhood.
His sister was looking out his window in the car
so he through a fit.
That describes me and my brothers, we had,
cause there was four of us and we had a big Tarago,
and we each had our own seats and had our own window.
And some of the windows would unclip,
and it was your window so if you wanted it unclipped
you could unclip it, and then some of us didn't want
it unclipped and so we'd just throw massive tantrums.
And then Nick would be like, well it's my window
because I'm sitting here.
She couldn't find the other sock for her other hand.
She wanted hand socks and she just couldn't find them.
I mean I love that the only thing she's wearing
is a pair of shoes and one sock.
She definitely didn't put on her shoes.
Mom's put the shoes on.
She's probably been dressed by mom
but removed all the clothes in just a pink fit!
And then gone you know what Mom?
I'm just gonna put on one sock, where's the other one?
Where's the other sock for my other hand?
My children had a fight because the each insisted
that their imaginary poo was bigger.
They literally held up their hands,
claimed their hand was holding a poop
and that theirs was the biggest.
I didn't realize kids fought about so many imaginary things.
My five year old threw the biggest tantrum
when she found a photo of her brother as a baby
and wanted to know why she wasn't in it.
I told her she wasn't born yet
but she did not accept my answer. (laughing)
I killed some files this morning that were annoying me
and my son burst into tears
because those flies were his friends.
My son is five, he called me a murderer.
(gasps) Imagine like a five year old devastated and in tears
screaming at his mother that she's a murderer.
Is that not the cutest image.
I cut the sandwich into squares not triangles.
That is a perfectly valid excuse for just loosing your shit.
I used to do the same thing because triangles,
you only get a little bit of a crust.
Squares you get a full corner!
For some reason squares didn't taste as good as triangles.
When my son was three he had a meltdown
because his toes would touch each other. (laughing)
My beautiful nephew went into meltdown once
because he didn't win a reading competition.
He couldn't read nor did he
actually even enter the competition.
At dinnertime his sausages touched the sauce
that he was about to dip them into.
(laughing)
I accidentally sat on my two year old daughter's
imaginary friend and according to her I killed her.
So of course I performed imaginary CPR
and brought her back to life.
That's probably a good one to leave it on.
There are a lot more comments on this.
I might link this thread that's on my Facebook page
in the description below.
So that was fun.
Feel free to go through, contribute your own,
and read through all the amazing comments.