narcissists are known to be self-absorbed and chances are they usually became that way because
at some point in their childhood they buried their true selves and they became this false
version of themselves that they present to most people in the world today this false self
is the thing that causes them to try to pretend like there's something they're not they're more
than they are they become grandiose in their behavior this is one of the most common things
with narcissists of course the thing that seems to unite all narcissists is the lack of empathy
they have for other people in their life while most people seem to think that narcissists
are incredibly arrogant and full of themselves the truth is most of them secretly kind of feel like
the ugly duckling in their lives they kind of feel like not everybody gets them and their beauty is
misperceived if perceived at all they project this idealized self-image because makes them
feel stronger about themselves and more secure in themselves but they fail to really thrive
in that way because they don't really have actual self-esteem these are the types of
people that need to stand on the shoulders of other people in order to feel better in reality
they project this image because they don't want to feel like or even be seen as
their truly broken cells so narcissists don't really believe they're worthy and because
of that they tend to use a bunch of different little ways to kind of deceive us into seeing
the false self as well because they don't think they're worthy they use scheming and manipulation
and other kinds of tactics in order to seem like more than they are so right now we're
going to talk about different kinds of lies narcissists are known to tell their victims
and especially their main sources of supply but even just strangers in the streets sometimes
so let's start with this one it's not my fault i didn't do that in fact it's your fault what are
we talking about well narcissists commonly use this tactic they do not take responsibility for
their own behaviors or their own actions unless those actions result into something good so for
example if as a victim you prove to a narcissist that in fact they did victimize you in some way
they're more likely to flip it around on you for example if you catch a narcissist cheating on you
they might tell you that it's your fault because you weren't interesting or fascinating enough or
whatever enough for them in reality it's their fault for not being able to commit to you
but they'll make it your fault and in fact they're so good at doing this that very often we believe
them when they tell us these lies if they don't directly blame you very often they'll have another
excuse for doing it like well it wasn't really my fault i fell over and i fell into that person
or they will somehow make themselves out to be the victim using the cheating example well this
person just pursued me so much i had no choice or i didn't really do it it was not you know sort of
done to me and they make it about again being a victim so that is the first type of lie the second
type of lie a narcissist will often tell you is i'm here for you i care about you i love you
now does that mean they don't really care about you or love you we've talked about this before
narcissists are cell phone lovers they love you like they love a cell phone right so they love
a cell phone when it's new and shiny and does all the things but as it starts to slow down and
becomes more familiar to them and new exciting cell phones come out on the market they stop
loving it so much same deal for people it's an object kind of love instead of a person kind
of love they have this ability to be incredibly charismatic incredibly charming if they want to
and as though they were master sales people very often they have the ability to make you think feel
believe whatever they want and at the beginning of a relationship this can be really intoxicating
they will let you know they think you're amazing gorgeous intelligent amazing wonderful at the
beginning of a romantic relationship and then as time goes on they quickly pick apart everything
about you and if we're talking about a family relationship they may pop in with oh you're
so this or that or the other thing occasionally but you already know that you're not good enough
because of years and years of conditioning they do this in the romantic relationships without even
really bothering to know you as a person which kind of you know throws you off a little bit they
go oh you're the person i've been waiting for my whole life they don't really know who you are yet
and that is part of the reason that sometimes they they ghost you or they just turn on a dime
but the other part of it is because even if they do know you they don't know you as flawed yet
once they start to see you as flawed then suddenly everything changes for them the the unfortunate
thing with a narcissist though in this case is that they're they want you to feel special for
sure but it's not because they want you to feel good it's because they want something from you
and this is the case whether we're talking about a romantic situation or not they use this type of
language this type of flattery to sort of seduce you or you know cause you to fall into whatever it
is that they want from you this kind of lie causes you to kind of be left picking up the pieces
whether you're in a romantic relationship or a family relationship it's very painful the next one
is i'm disappointed in you or you weren't there for me when i needed you narcissists a lot of them
need constant attention and constant validation they feel important when they get treated with a
certain kind of kid gloves if you have the nerve to choose something else as a primary priority
over them even your own children very often they consider that a failure on your part they become
agitated you see the narcissistic rage you see the narcissistic injury the poor me act and then
they'll accuse you of being such a disappointment or very selfish or all about you or just that
you're not there for them in reality that's just narcissistic injury them throwing a little tantrum
trying to get what they want from you if you do find yourself getting accused of things like
that ask yourself are you being treated with real respect by this person are this person's demands
and expectations even reasonable are you getting what you're giving as much as you're giving out
of this relationship overall and do you feel good about yourself in the relationship these
are important questions to ask yourself another thing narcissists are famous for lying about
is the fact that they'll change now do i think a narcissist can change and we've talked about this
a lot of times yeah i think it's possible i've just never seen it happen but because they kind
of operate on lies they kind of operate on the false self the inauthenticity the consequences
can lead to the truth their true selves coming out and everybody around them finding out and
that's really scary for a narcissist so when and if it happens where they're caught and they can't
deny it and their true self has been revealed very often a narcissist will say i'm so sorry i
failed i'll change you know think about all those preachers from the 80s who got caught doing bad
things and saying the devil made them do it it's a similar thing even though they weren't technically
taking responsibility for their own behavior but what most psychologists will tell you is that
even if a narcissist does create some temporary change by going to therapy or being involved
in some program very often as soon as the crisis ends they go back to their old ways and they start
being a narcissist again they start hurting people and being not empathetic and not caring
how people feel another like narcissists tell is that you shouldn't worry about stuff or that they
don't need to worry about stuff and part of the reason for that is they literally very often think
they're kind of above the law like okay well i did break the law but don't worry about it it'll be
fine i know people there or i won't be i won't get caught because i'm different than other people or
they even justify to themselves that they didn't really break the law because they're different
than whoever really broke the law because they don't care about rules they don't care about
boundaries they're more likely to do things that cross the line so for example they might cut in
line because they figure nobody behind them is as important as they are or they might break
the rules of the highway because they think again that they whatever they're doing is more
important than the law breaking the rules makes them feel special and entitled and exceptional
so they might break relationship rules they might break legal laws whatever they do it because they
think they're different and by doing things that are unacceptable for most people they somehow feel
more special and unique and exceptional one of the more common lies narcissists will tell you is this
one i promise they promise to do something they promised to follow through they promised to be
faithful they promised to pay a bill they promised to do whatever and you end up going you promised
and you didn't deliver and then they're mad at you for calling them out for promising and not
delivering because of course then they'll say well i didn't really promise i really said i'll do it
if i can do it that's obviously not the truth they only meet their obligations if it suits their own
interests so they will say what they need to say in the moment and they only follow through if it
suits them in the long run they don't do things to help you they do things to use you to get
what they want they're the good talk the talk but don't walk the walk types and you probably already
know that researchers tell us that narcissists are unfailingly unreliable they are cheaters they are
manipulative and they don't have very good trust levels when it comes to being in relationships
with them the next type of lie narcissists tell is i'm so amazing and they expect you to believe that
lie too they will go on and on about what amazing accomplishments they have they'll brag they'll
showboat name drop exaggerate whatever it takes to be impressive they want people to be impressed
with them tons of studies writings research all of it has proven that narcissists are well known to
be grandiose well known to be overinflated in their sense of self to say the least
they want you to know that they are special they are important they are powerful they are
someone who matters they talk about themselves in ways that make them seem amazing egotistical
for sure but definitely amazing they want you to know that they're better than you they're superior
to you and you should envy them of course like we mentioned on the other side of that the deep down
inside part of it really they think they're not good enough at all and they think that they need
to pretend to be better than they are in order to impress people that brings me to my final
point and that my final why the narcissists tell and that is that they're better than everybody
else they're better than you they're better than that person over there and all the other people
and this comes right back to the grandiosity factor because in real life they don't think a lot
of themselves in real life they think they're not worth anything they kind of think they're garbage
but they have to somehow inside and out inflate themselves so that they think they appear to be
more important or special or whatever than they are sometimes this is because they grew up with
parents who told them they were worthless sometimes it's because they grew up with
parents who told them they were amazing but they actually saw no proof of such amazingness
and so it's kind of a mixed bag there the truth is that they have concocted this false self in
order to appear to be something they want to be but it's really about disguising what they think
is the truth is and that is that they think they're not worth anything they have a serious
inferiority complex many times and since they can't feel good about themselves alone
they can't validate themselves they need to sort of look at other people and go well at
least i'm better than that person and so they put other people around them down in order to raise
themselves up it's a really sad story if you think about it this brings me to the question of the day
and the question of the day is have you experienced narcissists who told these
types of lies and what other types of lies would you add to my list share your thoughts your ideas
and your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it all right that's all i've
got for you right now as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life
and hey thanks for letting me be a part of yours it really does mean a lot to me and don't forget
to check out the videos in the lace above and in the description below for more on how to deal
with narcissists and what kinds of things you can learn about narcissists i'll see you soon